Breakup Shop Team

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Signs The Man You’re Talking To Is Emotionally Unavailable

Happy, healthy relationships require honesty, mutual respect, and a certain level of vulnerability. Sometimes we all struggle with these things because opening up and sharing with someone is scary. However, we all need to do these things to find lasting love.

For emotionally unavailable people, though, this openness isn’t just hard — it’s nearly impossible.

It may be hard to know if you’re in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man, though. Sometimes we ignore the signs.
Other times, we try to rationalize our partner’s behavior or find ways to blame ourselves.

Suppose you feel like your relationship revolves around sex and but lacks a deeper, more emotional connection.

In that case, you just might be dealing with this type of man — a man who avoids emotional intimacy and long-term commitment.

What is an emotionally unavailable man?


Emotionally unavailable men struggle with complex emotions. They lack emotional intelligence and rarely understand their own feelings, let alone those of a romantic partner. Because of this, these men struggle to give and receive love.

These men may appear outgoing, charismatic, and even charming at first — but this illusion ends the moment you try to move beyond the surface and really connect with them.

These men put up strong walls that leave you feeling lost and disconnected, though you may not fully understand why it's happening.

A man lacking emotions may push you away or deflect when you discuss emotions, the future, or any other deep topics that make them feel threatened or uncomfortable.

However, most of these men lack any sort of awareness of their emotional shortcomings, and they rarely realize how their intimate aversions affect romantic partners.

What are the tell-tale signs?


While you may worry that any guy who doesn't instantly open up is not available emotionally, that's not the case. In fact, an article in Women's Health Magazine lists 11 key indicators of a man who's emotionally unavailable. Here are a few key highlights:

First Sign - Men who are like this often avoid showing any sort of physical affection or compliments. While they may still show an interest in sex, you may feel like the sex lacks real emotional connection.

Second Sign - These men will also seem very unavailable in general and have absolutely zero respect for your time. They may not respond to a phone call or text message for hours or even days, and they have no problem canceling on you even at the last minute.

Third Sign - They see women with healthy views on intimacy and emotional expression as "intense" or "weak." They may even invalidate your emotions, judge you, and make you feel guilty for even simple requests.

Fourth Sign - These men will quickly become defensive and pull away anytime you try to force an intimate connection. They may blame others or pick fights when you try to talk to them about their emotions or the relationship as a whole. Because of this, they rarely put equal effort into the relationship.

What causes guys to become this way?


There’s no single cause of emotional unavailability that covers all men. Some men learn to make themselves unavailable from a very young age due to childhood trauma or neglect.

Others use this emotional disconnect as a protective measure after going through an incredibly difficult breakup or discovering a cheating partner.

However, not all men lack emotions because of traumatic experiences. Sometimes guys just get too wrapped up in their career or their friendships — and maybe they aren’t quite ready for a truly intimate connection with a romantic partner.

Regardless of the causes, though, most of these men will make you feel unimportant, and you’ll constantly feel a wall between the two of you. This can feel very frustrating, especially if you have strong feelings or seek a very committed relationship.

How do you deal with them?


Although some women are ready to throw the towel in as soon as they pick up on the signs that their man is emotionally unavailable, that doesn't mean you have to. 

Instead, the experts at Mind, Body, Green claim that you can prepare yourself to handle this kind of guy with a few basic tips.

For starters, you need to recognize the signs that he's unavailable and look for the root causes. Understanding his aloofness and what made him that way will help you figure out where to go next. 

If he's unavailable because of past trauma or an underlying mental health condition, explore the idea of individual therapy or couples counseling to see how he feels about the idea.

However, make sure that you don't enable his emotional unavailability or use the same tactics back on him. Neither of those approaches will help, and over time they will only cause your relationship to fizzle out.

If it seems like the disconnection is by choice, don't try to control him or fix the problem — that will only make it worse. 

Instead, focus on your own feelings and take time to reflect on how your partner's lack of emotional availability impacts you. You may find that the relationship is too taxing and you need some space — and that's okay!

Signs an emotionally unavailable man is in love with you


It’s hard for these men to fall in love because, well, they made it difficult by putting up all the barriers and pulling away.

No matter how disconnected he seems, though, the fact is that it’s not impossible for an this type of man to fall in love. In fact, Kiran Athar claims there are 10 distinct signs that he's falling in love with you.

  1. He opens up to you - Even if it’s small stuff, like some facts about his personal life or past, listen up — he’s trying really hard to build a connection.
  2. He shares what he’s feeling - Most of these men avoid acknowledging or expressing nearly any emotion, so if he’s sharing how he’s feeling, that’s a clear indication that he trusts you enough to get vulnerable.
  3. He shares difficult details about his past - These details are probably part of the reason he’s unavailable, so listen and try to understand. It will help him see that trusting you is the right thing to do.
  4. He starts working towards change - Whether he starts seeing a therapist or just puts in a concerted effort to be more emotionally available, realize the reasons behind these sudden changes — they’re because he wants to create a lasting relationship with you.
  5. He no longer avoids commitment - Although most of these men dodge commitment, your man may start discussing his future with you if he’s falling in love. Don’t press him on it, but welcome any conversations that he starts.
  6. He asks for your opinion - These men usually try to control everything. If he’s falling for you, though, he will start including you in decision making and ask what you think a lot more often.
  7. He starts keeping his promises - Although these men want to keep you around, they usually make empty promises that they have no intention of keeping. However, if he has feelings for you, he just may start cashing in on those promises and genuinely try to keep you happy.
  8. He lets you meet his friends - He doesn’t want to do anything that may scare you off or give you the wrong idea, so they usually avoid introducing their friends. If he starts letting you meet important people in his life, then chances are he’s falling in love.
  9. He protects you - When partners protect you in a healthy way, it’s a sign that they care about you. Although he doesn’t always know how to show that they care, being protective of you is a good indication that he loves you.
  10. Your relationship’s emotional intimacy builds - Relationships with these men almost always feel like they’re about the sex. However, if the two of you start building a deeper emotional connection, it’s probably because he’s caught feelings.

Is it worth it to try and change him or will he always have a wall up?


Even the most of emotionally unavailable man is still a man. He’s not a child, and he’s not just going to change overnight. 

According to dating and life coach Gregg Michaelsen, these men don’t just struggle with talking about their feelings — they shy away from emotions altogether. 

It may be tempting to try to change him or rescue him. You may want to feel that rush that comes with making someone a better person. However, you can’t save a person who doesn’t want to be saved. 

Chances are, he will continue to be unavailable emotionally until he makes the conscious decision to seek help on his own. Nothing you say or do will help him take down those walls or change him. 

Instead, you need to decide if you can handle the toll that being in this type of relationship takes. If he chooses to change, then you need to be patient and meet him where he is. You need to show him compassion, understanding, and support.

However, if he isn’t willing to see the issues or work on them, then you need to decide how long you’re willing to stay. Emotional unavailability can kill a relationship, but until you decide to walk away, the relationship can hurt you in many, many ways.

Final thoughts


Whether you’ve been together for a matter of weeks or over a year, if you just read this and see the writing on the wall, it’s time you recognize that you’re dating a man like this. 

You likely didn’t cause his emotional unavailability, and no matter how much you love this man, it’s important to remember the truth — he has issues that nobody can fix overnight.

These relationships can feel very stressful and isolating, and pressing him towards change won’t help bring the two of you closer together. In fact, it just might push him away.

Don’t give up entirely your man just yet, though. If you think he’s willing and able to change, then there are options. You can seek couples counseling or encourage your man to seek out therapy on his own.

If you don’t think he’s ready to seek help yet, then you need to decide how long you’re willing to stay. Things will only change if he is ready to change, but that doesn’t mean you have to hang onto someone who isn’t willing to give you what you need.

At the end of the day, you deserve a happy, healthy relationship — everyone does.

Critical Divorce Advice: As A Man, How Do I Prepare?

This time last year, I found myself staring into something I never expected: the beginnings of divorce. I never expected to hear my now ex-husband ask for it, and I never expected myself to be willing to agree to the dissolution of our marriage.

As we began the process, I quickly learned just how stressful and exhausting divorce can be. Let me tell you: It’s pretty awful for everyone involved.

And even though my ex and I definitely tried to keep things amicable, I can say without a doubt that many parts of the divorce process are more difficult for men than they are for women.

No matter when or why it happens, divorce is never an easy process. In fact, most people never feel fully prepared for all of the paperwork or the emotional toll the proceedings have.

However, if you’re a man who has found himself amid a divorce, there are some critical pieces of advice that you can take and use to help you not only survive the divorce process but come out stronger than ever on the other side.

How to cope with divorce as a man


Whether you feel relieved or devastated by your divorce, the fact of the matter is that you can’t control the situation. However, you can cope with the events and emotions you are about to experience.

You need to make sure that the coping strategies you use are healthy and not dangerous to your health or wellbeing. In fact, life coach Natalie Maximets suggests that all men avoid the following standard coping methods that can get them into trouble:

  1. Substance abusewhich can provide a short-term fix but comes with a whole other list of complications and problems.
  2. Affairswhich can complicate divorce proceedings and effectively ruin your chances of walking away with anything.
  3. Angry outbursts which can cause physical or emotional damages that you’ll pay for over time.

Instead of engaging in these unhealthy coping methods, Maximets recommends a clear set of guidelines that can help you effectively cope with your divorce. These guidelines include:

  • Moving out of the same living environment as your ex as soon as possible
  • Prioritizing your basic needs, like sleep, food, exercise, and hydration
  • Giving yourself space and time to grieve the end of your marriage properly
  • Engaging in meditation and other mindfulness techniques
  • Disconnecting from social media for a short time

A great way to cope with divorce is by tapping into some new hobbies or rediscovering old hobbies you used to enjoy.

While these coping suggestions can often help you deal with the pain and sadness you feel, they may not always cure it completely.

Therefore, it’s a good idea also to consider seeing a licensed therapist or counselor during and after the divorce process so that you can have some professional help on your side. 

How should a man prepare?


The divorce process can be long and difficult. However, that doesn’t mean that you can’t take the needed steps to prepare. According to attorney Chris Hildebrand, men can do the following things to prepare themselves for divorce.

Research the divorce process


Proper research can help you adequately prepare for what you’re about to go through, and information is power. Therefore, it’s best to fully research the divorce process in great detail before you even get started.

When you research, don’t just consider the ideal outcome, though. Also think what could happen if you and your ex cannot agree and need to move to mediation or even court so that you’re fully prepared for all the possibilities.



Gather all of the needed financial information


Since a large part of the divorce process involves the division of assets, one of the first things attorneys do is request all of your financial details to assess everything that will end up in question properly.

You can help speed up this process by collecting your bank accounts, credit card statements, and retirement account balances. Furthermore, you’ll need details on each vehicle and all other property in each spouse’s possession, such as houses, boats, etc.

And, of course, each spouse will need to provide ample proof of income and your past 2-3 years of tax filings.



Consider custody arrangements

If you and your former spouse have children together, you’ll also want to prepare your thoughts on what an ideal custody arrangement should look like. 

You should absolutely research custody arrangements in advance and find one that will best fit your family’s lifestyle and take your children’s ages and well-being into consideration. 

Establish your support system


Depending on how long you and your former wife were together, chances are your social circles overlap to some degree.

During and after the divorce, though, you’re going to need some emotional support. Therefore, you need to establish a healthy support system.

This will not only help you feel less alone, but it will speed up the bounce-back process for you after you sign your divorce papers.

Hire a lawyer


No matter how amicable you think the process will be, you need someone on your team to look out for your best interests. So hire an attorney for yourself and encourage your wife to do the same.

Men's divorce checklist


For most people, the divorce process can go smoothly if they adequately prepare themselves. That’s precisely why the attorneys at Rosen Law Firm have prepared an outstanding divorce checklist for men to follow. This checklist includes:

Step 1:  Before you file

  • See a marriage counselor
  • Hire an attorney
  • Gather all needed documents

Step 2:  During the process

  • Review financial data
  • Prepare a list of expected earnings and expenses post-divorce
  • Research moving options if needed
  • Plan ahead for separating finances and other entanglements


Step 3:  After you finalize

  • Change beneficiaries on retirement accounts and life insurance
  • Make any needed changes to wills or power or attorney paperwork
  • Revisit any joint accounts to make sure that they are fully separated and only one party is listed on accounts

How can you protect yourself?


Obviously, the best way you can protect yourself during the divorce process is by hiring an experienced attorney who knows how to help you handle the divorce process. Beyond that, the experts at DivorceNet recommend several other suggestions on how to protect yourself best.

First and foremost, you want to make sure that you remain in the family home until an attorney advises you that it’s safe to separate. Furthermore, you should not allow your wife to leave with the children until a settlement is reached.

These two things will prevent any accusations that you’ve bailed on your obligations to the family, which can cost you parenting time and child support.

Furthermore, you want to protect your finances by canceling any joint credit cards as soon as possible. This not only safeguards you from tons of unexpected fees, but it can also help you avoid frivolous spending as a coping mechanism.

Along similar lines, you should absolutely find ways to reduce unnecessary expenses as soon as possible. You’ll likely need money for divorce costs, but you and your former spouse both need to adjust to a one-income lifestyle, and this can help.

However, don’t skip out on paying any bills that could be considered family support, especially if you are the breadwinner. This could cost you tremendously. 

Of course, don’t sign anything without consulting your attorney first. This can help you avoid any agreements that may harm the proceedings, and it can also safeguard against differences in information being exchanged between spouses and attorneys. 

Finally, don’t hide any assets and make sure your spouse isn’t hiding anything either. Suppose any hidden accounts or expenses come out during the divorce proceedings that you didn’t disclose upfront. In that case, it can cause massive problems and essentially wash away any shot you had at an amicable divorce.

How long does it take to get over it?


The amount of time it takes for men to get over divorce varies widely. However, most experts say that it takes nearly two years for most men to fully get over their ex and move on after a divorce.

Instead of focusing on how long it takes to get over your ex, you should instead trust the process and give yourself the time and space you need to walk through the stages of grief fully.

You can’t take any shortcuts when processing a divorce, and you definitely can’t use duct tape solutions to hold yourself together. It’s normal to need time to heal. In fact, it’s fully expected.

According to divorce mediator Kathleen O'Connell Corcoran, men tend to hold onto the marriage longer than their spouses, which means that the grieving process can often take longer for men as well.

In general, though, the length of time it will take you to process the divorce and move on will depend on the following factors:


  • How long the marriage lasted
  • Who initiated the divorce
  • Infidelity and who was unfaithful
  • If there are children involved
  • How good your support system is

Final thoughts


Regardless of the circumstances surrounding your divorce, chances are you’re hurting. That’s completely natural and understandable. I know I definitely experienced lots of pain during the divorce process, and I know my ex did too.

You may be dealing with an unwanted divorce or find yourself going through the needed motions after a long battle of trying to make things work.

Anywhere on the spectrum of divorce is still considered a divorce, and you’ll need time to process all of the complex emotions you’re feeling.

While you may feel like life as you know it is ending, you can absolutely find healthy ways to cope with your feelings during this critical time and take the needed steps to prepare yourself for the divorce process.

You may feel lost, confused, and more than a little bit sad — but just remember that these feelings are natural and they will fade with time.

Although you may not believe it just yet, you will eventually get over your ex and discover that light at the end of the tunnel.

You’ll find peace, happiness, and possibly even a new relationship — all in good time.

Reviewing Seeking Arrangement (Updated for 2020)

The online dating world mostly caters to people who want commitment, marriage, and everything in between. But there are millions of people across the world who want something different.

Accomplished, affluent, and intelligent men love to have beautiful young women around them for many reasons. (And it's not just eye-candy, which many people incorrectly assume.)

And young women who have lots of potential are looking for these types of men, not just for the financial arrangement, but for mentorship, companionship, and much more.

If you are one of these men or women, then Seeking Arrangement is a perfect site to look into. Here's the rundown.

Recommended Age

19 - 55+

Number of Members

10 Million

Sign Up
Time

3 Minutes

For Singles Seeking

Sugar Relations


Overview

Popularity

Features

Usability

Value

Safety

4.7 / 5.0

4.4 / 5.0

4.2 / 5.0

4.9 / 5.0

5.0 / 5.0

Key Benefits

  • "Let's Talk Sugar" is the website's blog that delves into sugar dating and what anyone involved should know. Some of this advice is about staying safe, while some is about how to attract matches better.
  • "Diamond Membership" is the premium membership level that requires a minimum of two months and getting through a background check. Once you do that, you’ll be part of one of the best clubs on any dating site.
  • "Video Chat" Speaking via video isn’t quite as good as speaking in-person, but it can still help you develop a relationship. SeekingArrangement offers Video Chat precisely for this.

Membership

  • 5.4 million members (from United States)
  • 150,000 people online per week
  • 48% male : 52% female
  • Members focused on special arrangement relations
  • 10 million members worldwide (Mostly USA and Europe)
  • High activity among users

A complicated matter of sugar dating is that it might not include sex. Someone could have a sugar daddy while also being in a more traditional relationship.

SeekingArrangement users should be able to present their needs to one another, so that no lines are crossed, setting up the relationship.

Sugar daddies are known as “Successful Members” on SeekingArrangement. These users should be well-off and be able to provide for and protect their sugar babies. 

Conversely, sugar babies need to know their worth and show Successful Members why they should support them.

One of the things we love most about this site, is the gender ratio almost split to 50/50. Many sugar sites are overwhelmingly men. But here, both men and women can find the perfect arrangement.


Sign Up Info

  • Fast signup process (3-5 min)
  • Free premium access for sugar babies with college email addresses
  • Can sign up through Facebook

SeekingArrangement doesn’t require a whole of information from new users. The most important parts are what kind of user you are and who you’re looking for.

Sugar babies are asked how much they want their daddies to have available, and daddies are asked about their budgets and other desires.

You’ll need an email to finish signing up, but you can also use Facebook. If you’re in college, you can use your school email account to get premium for free. That’s an obvious advancement when you see just how good the premium features are.

There’s also a badge you receive for passing a background check. (We highly recommend this since it builds significant trust with your profile)


Profiles

  • Private photos are allowed
  • Background check verifications
  • Profile photos need to be approved
  • Very detailed and informative profiles

One of the biggest strengths is how profiles can be set to private, as this can make you feel a lot safer.

You don’t need to fill out everything in your profile, but it’s still good to do so. This shows how open you can be and lets you show your personality. Plus, you can be better promoted by the site.

Photos have to be approved, and they can be made public or private. If a user has things set to private, you can request access to them.
Your profile will show what you’ve been up to on the site, but you can conceal this with premium.


Making Contact

  • No charge for searching and looking at profiles
  • Free messaging if profile picture is approved
  • Messaging with premium if you don't have profile picture
  • Great matchmaking system

This site is excellent for how it well its search function works. You can find someone who you get along with beyond just looking for the same arrangement.

Locating sugar daddies in your area is easy with SeekingArrangement. It lets you search by distance so you can find men that are in your city or states away.

You can also break things down more precisely, covering things like parenthood and physical appearance. There are even more search features available for premium users.

Messaging is available for free if your profile picture has been approved. However, if you have a premium account, you can message, regardless of if you have a photo. However, we strongly recommend having one available.


Seeking Arrangement Cost

There are three different membership levels, each with increased benefits and advantages. We recommend the diamond level, even it's it's just for 1 month. 

However, most people join the 90 days premium which gives them sufficient benefits to get the most out of the site. 

You can sign up for free and check out the price of each. (Prices for membership can change so our recommendation is to get accurate pricing by visiting their site and taking 3 minutes to sign up.)


Pros and Cons

Pros

  • Members understand arranged relationships
  • 3-5 minutes to signup
  • Members are very active
  • Free to browse profiles
  • Very attractive and generous men
  • Many beautiful sugar babies to chat with

Cons

  • Some people don't want to be background checked (most people like this feature because it makes them feel safer however)
  • Narrowing down users can take time

The Bottom Line:

Seeking Arrangement is one of the most popular sugar relationship sites in the world. The founder believed that mostly everything in our world is based around the key concept of "arrangement".

Whether that's business deals, meetings to have coffee with a friend, and so on. Why should men and women be any different with how they approach relationships?

On Seeking, everyone has something to offer one another. And that's why members experience so much success.

How To Make Him Chase You (And Feel Like He Needs You Forever!)

Pursuit is one of the best parts of dating, but you need to know how to pursue and be pursued.

Finding a man is about making yourself available but not looking desperate. It’s quite the balancing act, and it can definitely get frustrating. However, when you’re able to catch someone through persistence and dropping subtle hints, it’s a lot more satisfying than just getting their love outright.

After all, aren’t the best things in life ones that we get through true effort and patience, instead of just having them handed to us?

When you hear amazing stories of couples falling in love, you’re not usually as captivated by the ones where they agree to go out on a date on the first try, right?

The more meaningful something is, the more effort we should be willing to put in. If you’re not interested in having a man work to get you, then you’re just not interested in them. This is good if you’re trying to figure out whether you want a certain someone or are just looking for sex.

This chase isn’t a one-sided thing, either. You should relish going after him as well. This can be like a chess game between two experts. Once you’ve finally come together, it can be like drinking water when you’ve been crawling through the desert for days.

Unfortunately, we’ve been fooled into thinking the chase only matters during courtship. Once someone has agreed to be with us, they can quickly lose their drive. You might have been guilty of this.

There’s just something about getting what you want that can make you lose your passion. It’s hard to understand but easy to recognize.

Instead of having someone get bored of you and revealing their interest was only superficial, find someone who is interested in you beyond the short-term. We’ve created these tips to help you with every part of this experience.

Make Your Life Great

This is the most crucial part of this guide.

Unless your life is one worth caring about, no one is going to want to be part of it.

Of course, everyone is special in their own way, and your personality can go a long way. However, you can’t rely on being ‘nice” or “polite.”

Those are base-level qualities. If you don’t already have those, then you need to read another guide before reading this one.

If you do have them, you need to keep going. How do you use those qualities for the betterment of your life and the world around you? We’re not asking you to be the next Nelson Mandela, but your life needs to be one that actually has a purpose.

Find out what makes you get up in the morning and share your gifts with the world. If you don’t, you’re going to end up with people who don’t understand you, because you don’t understand yourself.

Enjoy The Single Life

Getting into a relationship so you can stop being single is like ordering a seven-course meal because you’re a little hungry. Relationships are great, but they should never be forced.

Don’t worry about finding the right person as you bemoan being single. Embrace your independence and use it as an opportunity to learn about yourself and what you want.

Desperation is never a good luck. Being single can still involve dating and sex, but you shouldn’t just throw yourself into the arms of the first person to show you the slightest bit of interest.

If you can’t figure out why you’re with someone beyond them offering companionship, you shouldn’t be with them. Eventually, you can find yourself longing to be single but feeling stuck in a tepid or unhealthy relationship.

Treat yourself well when you’re single, and you’ll make smarter relationship decisions. Suitors will notice how lively you are, and it will make you so much more attractive.

Set Your Standards Just High Enough (But Not Unrealistically)

If you fall for everyone, you’re signaling that you’re easily led. It might be that others are manipulating you, or that your brain has been wired against prudent decision-making.

You might need another source, such as a close friend, to give an analysis of your relationship habits.

Unlearning these behaviors means fighting against your base instincts. It’s like withholding the urge to hit snooze when it’s time to get out of bed. Some times will be harder than others, but those are the ones that help to build up your exterior to not fall in love so easily.

A good partner is someone who admires your selectiveness. Anyone who just doles out affection to anyone who shows them attention needs some help. Your time on Earth is valuable, and it doesn’t need to be wasted on people who aren’t right for you.

Reserve "Boyfriend Perks" For Relationships

There’s more to relationships than regular sex. Lots of people value the stability and emotional availability they provide.

This can be great to offer, until you’re stuck with someone who only wants these benefits for themselves, without putting in the work.

It’s fine to be a naturally supportive person, but don’t let yourself be pulled into giving emotional support for someone that isn’t offering the same in return.

You could have someone using you as nothing more than a therapist. While relationships should be about support and listening, they shouldn’t only be about that.

Pay Attention To How He Treats You

No one who treats you poorly deserves your time, period. Many people have their red flags out in the open, but they can be easy to ignore if you’re too obsessed with an idealized version of them.

Don’t let yourself be so intimidated by someone’s looks or reputation that you excuse poor behavior. This is how people have gotten away with abusive behavior. They use their positions of power to exert dominance over others.

Whoever you’re pursuing might not be evil, but they might have too many liabilities. If you value punctuality and they’re always late, that’s just not someone you should pursue any longer.

There are so many people who look great on paper/in photos but who have awful personalities. When they show these sides, you can see just how ugly they actually and know that you shouldn’t waste your time with them.

Don't Wait For Him To Improve

No one who treats you poorly deserves your time, period. Many people have their red flags out in the open, but they can be easy to ignore if you’re too obsessed with an idealized version of them.

Don’t let yourself be so intimidated by someone’s looks or reputation that you excuse poor behavior. This is how people have gotten away with abusive behavior. They use their positions of power to exert dominance over others.

Whoever you’re pursuing might not be evil, but they might have too many liabilities. If you value punctuality and they’re always late, that’s just not someone you should pursue any longer.

There are so many people who look great on paper/in photos but who have awful personalities. When they show these sides, you can see just how ugly they actually and know that you shouldn’t waste your time with them.

Final Thoughts

Don’t judge yourself for getting into a bad relationship or for not getting out of one as soon as you could. You’re making great progress just by deciding that enough is enough.

The more you take in from your previous relationships, the more you can get out of subsequent ones.

Talk about "chase" in relationships can make people roll their eyes. They can think it involves manipulation and game-playing.

While there are certainly people who use romantic pursuit for manipulative reasons, our advice is given so that you can avoid falling into bad situations and understand how to show respect for yourself.

You may have more than a few bad relationships logged in your memory. These don't matter anymore than what you had for breakfast six months ago.

Whether you're recently single or have been out of the dating game for years, this is a fresh start. It's very easy to fall into old habits, but we want you to understand how you fall into these situations and what you can do to get out of them.

There might be some slip-ups, but you can dust yourself off faster than ever with our advice. It's all about confidence.

Having confidence is what it takes to make good decisions. When you know that you're not going to waste your time with bad situations, you can keep yourself from adding to your list of regrets.

We know you have what it takes to find the right partner with planning and selectiveness. The next time you're at bar or scrolling through a dating app, you can use your brain before your libido.

How To Escape The Friend Zone (And Get Out Fast!)

If you’re a fan of TV sitcoms, then chances are you’ve seen a popular relationship dynamic play out on your screen: a guy and girl who end up as best friends.

Sometimes, in cases like Cory and Topanga from Boy Meets World, friendship eventually leads to something more — like a lifetime of endless love. Other times, like in the case of Landry Clarke on Friday Night Lights, the label of “guy friend” seems impossible ever to escape.

Of course, we’ve come up with a term to explain this all too common phenomenon of a man and woman who end up being besties: It’s called the friend zone.

But what does being in “the friend zone” really look like? And if you’re a guy who loves the girl, how can you end up more like Cory Matthews and less like Landry Clarke? Because, let’s be real, being friends with a girl is great, but it’s not usually what guys really want, is it?

What is the friend zone?

According to Urban Dictionary, ending up in the friend zone means that a girl sees you more like a brother than a potential love interest. In other words, the friend zone is a place where men end up when a woman only holds platonic feelings for him.

If you think back to those ‘90s television sitcoms, then you probably picture the goofy, awkward paleontologist from the show Friends, Ross Geller, when you hear the term “friend zone.” After all, Ross worshiped Rachel for much of the series — but she never saw him as more than a sweet friend.

Men can end up in the friend zone for a ton of different reasons. Sometimes the timing is just off and you meet the woman of your dreams while she’s seeing someone else. Other times there may not be mutual attraction, and she simply doesn’t feel the same way you do.

Regardless of the reasons why you landed in the friend zone, the reality is that it never feels good. After all, your emotional (and more than likely sexual) needs aren’t being met when she only sees you as a friend.

Before you can remedy this situation, though, you need to understand the signs that you’re officially in the friend zone. Then you need the tools to help you dig yourself out.

How to tell if you're in it

You may be living in denial, but chances are if you’re reading this article, you already know that you’re in the friend zone. You probably feel it in every interaction you have with the girl you’re crushing on. And honestly? It probably stings.

If you aren’t sure exactly where you stand with your gal, though, here are some ways to tell that you’re in the dreaded friend zone:

Reason #1:  She turns your “dates” into group events.

Although group dates are fun from time to time, when a girl is interested in dating someone, she looks for opportunities to spend some time alone with the guy so she can see if there’s a connection.

If she only sees you as a friend, though, chances are she will have no problem inviting mutual friends to join you guys for dinner or turning your romantic day at the beach into a volleyball event.

Reason #2:  There's no physical or romantic contact

In the early stages of a relationship, there’s usually some flirtatious banter and mild physical contact. If you hang out with your gal frequently and she never reaches out to rub your back or hold your hand, then chances are she doesn’t see you as anything more than a friend.

Reason #3:  She lets you see the "real" her

Women usually put their best foot forward when they’re trying to impress a guy. In fact, most girls make sure their makeup and hair looks its best anytime they know they will see the guy they’re crushing on.

With male friends, though, girls usually have no problem burping or wearing sweats. So if you’ve ever watched Netflix in sweats or chugged beers together and had a belching contest, chances are you’re definitely in the friend zone.

Reason #4:  She's trying to set you up with others

Girls love to play matchmaker for their friends — regardless of their gender. They would never pawn you off on someone else if they had feelings, though, so chances are she only sees you as a friend if she’s trying to kick your Tinder profile up a notch or hook you up with a friend.

Reason #5:  Her best friends know almost nothing about you

When you’re into someone, you jump at the chance to talk about them because, well, they’re always on your mind. Girls love to gossip, too, so if her besties don’t know much about you and she’s not giving them the scoop on all of your conversations, then you’re just in the friend zone.

How do you escape the friend zone?

When you find out that you’re in the friend zone, your initial reaction is probably to pull one of those classic Ross Geller moves and try to pull off some grand gesture or do even more to show the woman in your life just how committed you are to making her happy.

However, social worker and relationship expert Jeremy Nicholson says that you actually want to do the exact opposite. 

In fact, he explains through a series of articles on Psychology Today that relationships aren’t about showing someone how much you care, but instead involve lots and lots of negotiation.

Instead of giving yourself entirely to someone, you want to make sure that the scales remain balanced. 

To start, make sure you’re not too clingy. Desperation isn’t attractive, and in many cases it scares people away during the early stages of a relationship. It also takes away nearly all of your power because you’re the one bending over backwards for her attention.

Instead, it’s best to take a step back and let her come to you. And, if she doesn’t express interest, then be ready to walk away before you get stuck in the painful spot of “just a friend” for the rest of your life.

Also, make sure she sees that there’s some competition for your heart. You don’t want to look like a player, of course, but having a few other (attractive) female friends absolutely will not hurt your chances of getting her to see you as more than just a friend.

Studies show that people value things that they may lose more than something that’s “always available,” so by creating a little jealousy and expanding your social network, you just may turn your friend zone situationship into a real romantic relationship in a short amount of time.

Finally, you need to ask the girl you want for favors so you can see if she’s willing to invest. The more someone gives and invests in the relationship, the more they see you as an important part of their life. 

This also lets you reward them for their efforts, which creates an environment of mutual gratitude, which is a key to a healthy romantic relationship.

How to go from friendship to boyfriend fast?

Although it can be hard to move out of the friend zone, it’s not completely impossible. In fact, chances are you can quickly climb out of the friend zone and land in the boyfriend zone fast if you simply take the initiative.

Most men land in the friend zone because they never really seize the opportunity to be anything more.

While that’s not to say you should go and serenade her at her bedroom window and make a scene, you do need to make a concerted effort to show her that you’re worthy of the boyfriend's title.

Be bold; ask her on a date and explain your intentions upfront. This takes the guesswork out of the situation for her and lets her know that you are genuinely interested in taking things up a notch past the current friendship that you share.

Don’t just stop there, though: Make sure you also put effort into impressing her so that she sees you mean business. Put effort into your appearance and take the needed steps to make yourself both physically and psychologically attractive so that she can’t resist you.

And, of course, use your knowledge from the friendship to show her that you care and remember the small details about her because your feelings run deep.

Signs she'll never be interested in you romantically

While there’s tons of information in this article to help you win over your female friend, you also need to keep things in perspective. 

In the same way, Rachel never saw Ross as more than a friend, there are some instances where your female companion may never be romantically interested in you no matter how hard you try.

In fact, relationship writer Emma Austin shares that several signs indicate that a woman just isn’t romantically interested in you. These signs include:

  1. Cancelling plans
  2. Not responding to texts or calls in a timely manner
  3. Disregarding your compliments
  4. Never initiating contact
  5. Pulling away when things get personal

However, don’t completely write her off or think that she doesn’t care. In fact, if she hasn’t outright rejected you, chances are it’s just the opposite — she probably cares about you deeply and doesn’t want to break your heart by rejecting your obvious romantic advances.

Final Thoughts

While the friend zone definitely never feels like a great place to be, remember that it feels that way for everyone, not just you.

But whether you landed in the friend zone recently or you’ve been there for quite a while, don’t feel like you’re doomed to stay there forever (unless you’re Ross).

By putting forth some initiative and not shying away from uncomfortable conversations, you can test the waters and climb your way out of the friend zone with some effort and a fresh approach.

If you put yourself out there and manage to land a date, congrats!

If not, though, remember that sometimes things just don’t work out — and although it hurts, it’s not the end of the world.

Eventually you will find the woman out there who’s meant to be with you, a woman who will give you all that you deserve and show you the love that you’ve always dreamed of… even if she starts out as “just a friend.”

How To Be More Attractive To Women

Have you seen that Mel Gibson movie from the early 2000s titled What Women Want

If not (or in case you forgot), the basic gist is that Nick Marshall (Mel Gibson) is a chauvinist executive at an advertising firm who thinks that he knows how to attract women. 

Thanks to a freak accident in his bathroom, though, Nick quickly learns that he’s been approaching women the wrong way his entire life. Throughout the movie, Nick learns how to “get in touch with his feminine side” and really attract women.

While you can’t fall in your bathroom and suddenly hear what women think, as Mel Gibson’s character did in that hilarious film, you can take proactive steps to learn how to be more attractive to women.

What do women look for in a man?

Every woman is unique. Therefore, the definition of a “perfect man” varies from woman to woman. Once you cast the physical attributes and sexual desires aside, though, most women have a relatively uniform list of characteristics that they look for in any man they consider dating.

In fact, Redbook Magazine recently interviewed three marriage counselors to compile a list of what women really look for in a man. 

Based on their expert feedback, the editors at Redbook developed a list of 10 qualities that women frequently look for in a potential partner. This list included the following core attributes:

  1. ChemistryBelieve it or not, women initially feel drawn to men based on the initial connection they feel. If women don’t feel a “spark” within the first conversation, chances are high that they won’t stay interested. After all, good conversation is the foundation relationships need in order to develop.
  2. StabilityWomen often look for potential partners that they can see building a life with, which means they want a man who is reliable, predictable, and financially self-sufficient. So if you want to impress the ladies, show them that you’re emotionally mature, dependable, and hold a steady job.
  3. Assertiveness Although it seems hard to believe, the vast majority of men can’t find the words to simply express their needs — yet that’s exactly what most women want! What’s more, assertive communication is one of the key components to a healthy relationship, so it’s important.
  4. Emotional PresenceWomen want to know where they stand with their man at all times. Therefore, they look for guys who stay emotionally present. In other words, women look for guys who listen and respect what their girl has to say, not guys who check out of the conversation and look at their phone.
  5. VulnerabilityFor any relationship to work, both partners need to be vulnerable and share what’s on their heart. While cultural norms make this difficult for men, it’s exactly what a woman looks for in a potential partner.

What makes a man attractive?

If you listen to a group of women drool over celebrities, you’ll quickly discover that every woman has their own sense of what they find attractive. However, based on years of research, there are some items that nearly all women find attractive.

Facial Hair


Although every woman has her own tastes on facial hair, a 2013 research study found that an overwhelming majority of women find men with heavy stubble or a light beard most attractive. This is largely because women see facial hair as a sign of maturity and masculinity.



Confidence


Experts say that men who walk confidently appear more attractive to people they meet on the street than men who appear slumped over or anxious. You don’t even have to appear overly confident for this to work — you just need to look comfortable in your skin.



A Sense of Humor


Several studies have found that women love a man who can make her laugh. In fact, many women find men with a sense of humor more attractive than similar-looking men who take a more serious stance on life. 


Kindness


The halo effect is a psychological bias where people unconsciously assume that one aspect of their personality applies to their entire character. Because of this, women often perceive men who show kindness as more physically attractive as well.


A Bit of Muscle


A 2007 study asked women to rate men as potential partners after viewing them shirtless. The results indicated that men who are somewhat muscular, but not overly bulked up, appeared the most attractive as long-term partners to most women.

What causes attraction at first sight?

Even though most romantic relationships develop over time, studies show that there’s some truth to the idea of “love at first sight.” But what causes us to find people attractive right after meeting them for the first time?

For starters, when you first look at someone, your brain almost instantly decides if it finds the person physically attractive or not. 

When that instant attraction happens, a chemical reaction occurs in your brain — and that release of serotonin and dopamine is what causes you to start feeling those “warm and fuzzies.” That chemical reaction also causes you to feel attached to the person instantly.

This feeling increases if you and the person you find attractive are also attracted to you because of a “loop” created by your eyes' locking. The more connected you two feel in this moment, the stronger the attraction will be.

Over time, this initial attraction can lead your brains to take more actions, and these actions (like flirting or kissing) can lead to a deep, powerful connection that causes your brain to experience love.

However, there are times where “love at first sight” is actually a phenomenon called "positive illusion." In other words, you didn’t feel that instant attraction when you first met your partner but instead remember it that way because of the bond you built with them over time.

Over time, many couples can’t decipher if they actually experienced attraction at first sight or if a memory bias actually develops the longer you remain with a person. But if you still feel attracted to someone after months or even years of dating them, does it really matter?

What are the biggest turn-offs to a woman?

Just like some things get every woman’s motor running, some things instantly send us running away.

Reason #1:  Lack of Hygiene

Most men want gorgeous women who put time and effort into their appearance, so it shouldn't surprise anyone that women want the same thing from a man. We don’t expect you to pull out the red carpet every day, but some basic hygiene and upkeep are appreciated.

When men don’t bother to shower, wear deodorant, or trim up their facial hair, it sends a signal that they don’t care about themselves, which means they probably don’t care about anyone else either. Thanks but no thanks, guys.

Reason #2: Big Ego

There’s a difference between confidence and arrogance, and most women can snuff it out in minutes. Women find confidence attractive, but arrogance is a huge turn-off.

Although some guys do genuinely have stuff to brag about, the vast majority of men who think highly of themselves don’t. No woman wants to spend an entire dinner date listening to you rattle off all of the reasons why you’re amazing.

Reason #3: Inability to Have Fun

Women love to laugh and have a good time, so we often look for men who do the same. While guys can be a little more serious at first, men who remain uptight constantly quickly feel like such a drag and turn women away in a flash.


Reason #4: Chauvinist or Sexist Behavior

Although women have made strides towards equality, some men just can’t seem to let go of their false sense of superiority — and it’s a huge turn-off. 

If you want to send a girl running, call her “sweet cheeks” and joke about how she needs to make you a sandwich. She’ll be gone in no time.

Reason #5: Laziness

Women work hard, and they expect a potential partner to do the same. In fact, laziness is a huge turn off to most women.

We want to see men who are successful employees and still willing to chip in around the house, not someone who spends all of their time playing video games while eating cereal straight out of the box.


Reason #6: Preoccupation With Sex


Sex is great, we all agree… but do we really need to talk about it 24/7? Guys who only care about hooking up and getting it on aren’t attractive at all.

Reason #7: Bad Manners

While we don’t expect you to hold doors open for us or push in our dining chair, women still love a man who can say “please” and “thank you.” If you don’t display some basic manners, chances are your relationship won’t last long because bad manners are a huge turn-off.

How to use psychology to attract her

Not every man has the looks or wealth to turn the charm on like we see in the movies. Honestly, though, that’s okay! In fact, if you have your eye on a certain someone, you can use some basic psychology to attract her to you, according to the experts at MensXP. 


For starters, you can use open body language to send her signals that you’re not only confident and self-assured but that you’re also emotionally open and willing to be vulnerable.


Since most men send signals that they’re closed off, this will be a refreshing change of pace and likely draw her in.


You can also use reverse psychology to get her attention and make her feel like winning you over is a challenge. Although this method can sometimes backfire, psychologists agree that it usually works well. 


Also, when you plan out what you’re wearing for the first few dates, make sure you include something red. Why? Because red is the color of passion, love, and positive sexual energy. Whether she realizes it or not, she will feel more attracted to you when you wear red.


Finally, find ways to cause releases of oxytocin during your encounters. Known as the “love hormone,” our brains release this chemical whenever we bond with someone socially. So if you can find small ways to initiate touch, the chances are that you’ll seal the deal thanks to oxytocin.

Final thoughts

There’s no denying that women are complex creatures that are sometimes difficult to understand fully. This is probably why men frequently complain that they can’t make women happy or ever figure out what they really want.

While it may seem like a tall order to win a woman's heart, it’s not an impossible task. Once you know what women are really looking for in a potential partner and what they find attractive, you can work towards improving yourself and accentuating your positive qualities.

Just make sure you avoid behaviors that will instantly turn a woman off, and try to use psychology to your advantage when you’re working your magic on someone new.

All women just want to feel important and loved — and, as a man, you can provide just that. So what are you waiting for? Get out there and get that girl you’ve been eyeing… she’s waiting for you!

How Does The No Contact Rule Work?

When one of my best friends broke up with her boyfriend last fall, she did something very different from what I’d ever done during any of my breakups — she decided to remove all forms of communication with her ex completely.

At first, I thought that removing him from all of her social media accounts and deleting his number from her phone sounded a little extreme.

However, I watched her rise above the heartache of the breakup in record time, and eventually, she and her ex found a way to reconnect on friendly terms.

Although I saw the evidence of success, I was still completely perplexed by this idea of a “No Contact Rule,” so I decided to do some independent research.

I quickly learned that many people are using the rule these days — and it’s helping people in more ways than I could ever have possibly imagined.

What is the no contact rule?

Believe it or not, this rule is exactly what it sounds like — a conscious choice to cease all forms of contact with your ex after a breakup. 

According to relationship expert and breakup coach Lee Wilson, the rule includes phone calls, text messages, or any other forms of communication, like social media. In fact, you may want to completely remove your ex from your contacts to avoid any temptation.

Furthermore, those who follow it fully also choose to not communicate with any of their ex’s friends or family members — so it might be time for a social media purge.

The rule is important because it gives you the adequate space that you need to heal and, in time, discover exactly who you are again. 

You can use this time to rebuild your confidence, mend your broken heart, and move on with your life — or reconnect with your ex when things have calmed down if that’s what you want.

Although this “rule” may sound like something relatively easy to follow if you broke up on bad terms, the fact is that not contacting your ex requires some serious restraint and willpower, especially if you have a long-standing history with your ex.

Why is it so effective?

Like any other type of loss, breakups come with their grief stages that you need to work through. Unfortunately, this grief lingers for a lot longer when your ex is still active in your life.

When you enact the rule, though, you create a safe space for you to grieve and focus on your emotional needs. Without reminders of your ex, you can work through all of the stages of grief without interruption or confusing messages that often cause more pain.

In other words, the No Contact Rule is effective because it completely removes any ability for your ex to trigger painful memories. 

Furthermore, this time apart is useful because it clears your head and gives you a chance to explore other perspectives. 

When you replay the breakup repeatedly with your ex, you get stuck in this rut that is often hard to break out of. Their words, and their opinions, clutter your mind and wear you down. When this happens, it can be hard to see yourself or the situation differently.

However, when you remove yourself from your ex, you can take time to evaluate the breakup from numerous perspectives. This is not only an essential step in the healing process, but it may help you see your ex in a new light — which may make them more or less attractive.

Finally, for those who want to use the rule to mend bridges or even get back together, the experts at Magnet of Success claim that over 90 percent of people who use it will hear from their ex, most often within six months of ending the relationship.

What are the stages of this rule?

Since the rule involves withdrawing contact completely, both parties will go through stages of withdrawal and processing the breakup the longer the lack of contact remains in place. 

In fact, Arushi Chaudhary says there are several very distinct stages that each person experiences when the rule is in full effect.

Stages for the Dumpee:

Stage 1:  Withdrawal


As expected, most people first experience heavy withdrawal symptoms when a relationship ends and they cease contact with their ex.

You may be in denial about the breakup, or you might just feel really depressed and rejected — your feelings are completely valid.

Stage 2:  Desperation & Temptation

Once the initial shock of the breakup and honeymoon phase of the rule wears off, chances are you’ll feel extremely depressed and desperate. Your emotions will consume, and you may want to break the boundary you’ve established… but don’t!

Contact during this critical phase will only make things worse, so avoid tempting to reach out and ignore your ex if they randomly reach out to you.

Stage 3:  Recovery

Although it may take some time, eventually you will reach a place where you feel better about the breakup and don’t miss your ex as much. In this phase, you’ll start looking at your phone a little less and start living a little more. Who knows, you may even start seeing someone new!

During this phase, you’ll start feeling more confident, less hung up on your ex, and better able to tell if the rule is working for you.

Stages for the Dumper:

Stage 1: Relief

Dumping someone is always uncomfortable, and there’s a certain fear of backlash and weeks of angry messages. When someone eliminates contact, though, you may feel a sense of relief if you dumped your ex — because the lack of contact removes any chances of retaliation.

During this phase, you’ll likely feel free and take advantage of the moment. You’ll feel lighter, less confined, and maybe even a little bit excited to play the field again.


Stage 2: Curiosity

No matter how good the relief and newfound freedom feel, though, eventually the rule causes the dumper to get curious about how their ex is doing.

If you don’t know that the rule is in place, you may wonder why your ex isn’t communicating with you. If you do know it’s in place, you may still wonder how they’re doing and want to text them to check-in.

The unknown will eventually drive you into a spiral of obsession.


Stage 3: Obsession

Right around the time your ex is moving into recovery, you’ll start really missing them and may even grow increasingly obsessed with trying to reconnect. Chances are you will desperately reach out to contact them or find ways to catch their attention — but they probably won’t work.


Stage 4: Fear of Loss

If zero contact lasts long enough, the dumper will find themselves in a state of grief and fear that they’ve lost their ex for good. However, as time continues, the one who dumped their ex will also hit a recovery phase and, hopefully, move on.

Signs the no contact rule works

Obviously the beginning stages of the rule are painful and difficult to endure. However, as time goes on and you enter the recovery phase, you will start to see the incredible benefits that this rule provides.

In fact, a recent article in She’s Single Magazine explores the 5 signs that it's working. Those signs include:

  1. Your ex trying to reach out to you and asking to reestablish contact
  2. Your confidence and newfound self-love starts attracting new people
  3. Your ex becomes more responsive than they were before the breakup
  4. You no longer feel sad when you think about the past
  5. Your ex asks to get back together

Of course, what happens at this point is entirely up to you. While some people decide to try it again with their ex, others realize that their ex really wasn’t the right person for them. Whatever you decide is fine, as long as it feels right to you.

Just remember to stick to your guns and don’t let your ex (or anyone else) persuade your decision. Your happiness matters more than anything else, and the ball is entirely in your court.

Is 30 days sufficient or should it last longer?

When people decide to commit to the rule, one of the first questions they ask is, “How long do I need to commit to zero contact with my ex?” 

While every relationship is different, A New Mode co-founder Sabrina Alexis says you should commit to at least one month of no contact before you even think about lifting it.

After the month has passed, Alexis says that it’s best to use your own judgment on what feels right. 

If your relationship lasted a long time or the breakup was especially painful, a month may not be enough time for you to process things and move into recovery fully. Inversely, if you had already emotionally moved on before the relationship ended, 30 days might be plenty of time.

Before you reach out or respond to your ex’s text messages, sit and ask yourself some questions: 

Are you ready to move on? Do you feel like your heartache is healed? Can you talk to your ex without getting angry or emotional?

If the answer to those questions is “yes,” then chances are you’re ready to end the rule and see what happens.

Final thoughts

Although I was skeptical when my friend enacted the No Contact Rule after her breakup, I can honestly say that watching her heal from that experience definitely made me a believer.

Is it easy? Absolutely not. But the benefits that come with time far outweigh the few weeks of pain and temptation that you’ll endure. Not only will you heal from the breakup faster, but you also may find that you and your ex can get along in the aftermath of it all.

This rule isn’t for everyone, and you need to weigh your options before you commit.

But if you’re in the early stages of a breakup and feel like you’ll never be able to move on, give it a try for a month or so and watch it work wonders for you.

The Keys To Making & Keeping A Man Happy

When my husband of 10 years served me with divorce papers earlier this year, I felt completely shocked. I spent weeks wondering where I went wrong, searching my brain for answers that never came. I thought I was doing everything right — but clearly, I was wrong.

As we spent the majority of the spring and summer buried in mediation talks and started separating our lives, I realized something so fundamentally simple that I couldn’t believe I never thought about it before: I rarely asked my husband if he felt happy in our marriage.

Since we finalized our divorce back in early July, I’ve spent a lot of time trying to learn more about what exactly it is that makes men happy. 

And although I thought that I was the only one trying to figure this mystery out, it turns out that women everywhere are wondering the very same things.

The good news about that is that I’m not alone — but the bad news is that means the internet is full of cheap advice that won’t really get you far.

If you’re willing to really read through evidence-based recommendations and put them into practice, though, you can prevent your relationship from ending the same way mine did. 

In fact, you can learn exactly how to keep your man happy and find the keys to a successful long-term relationship.

What really makes men happy?

Sometimes it feels impossible to make a man happy. But is that really the case? Maybe not!

If you ask any number of relationship experts or couples counselors, though, they’ll tell you it’s rather simple: What really makes a man happy is food, sex, and an understanding partner.

Sounds too good to be true, right? Wrong! In fact, many relationship experts agree that what makes a man happy are directly related to those three key components. 

When you know that, men don't seem too complicated after all, right? But let's get into some further details...

What makes him feel special?

Although mainstream media constantly encourages men to make women feel special, we rarely see the same recommendations for turning the tables. Isn't a relationship a two-way street, though? 

The fact of the matter is that men deserve special attention just as much as we do — even if they often say otherwise. 

Luckily, James Michael Sama of The Good Men Project covers this very topic in great detail on the Good Men Project blog. According to Sama, there are 10 key ways women can make their male romantic partners feel special — but here are just a few:

1. Give Compliments

When you consider the man in your life, it's probably not surprising to hear that he feels special when he receives compliments. Men love hearing good things about themselves, we all know that.

However, most people don't realize that men want so much more than meaningless ego strokes. Instead, they live for genuine compliments from their loved ones.

So don't just give him the, "Great job!" line when he washes the dishes — find ways to compliment your man that lets him know you appreciate his positive attributes.

2. Ask His Advice

Most women (myself included) want to feel heard when we open up to our loved ones. In fact, we're rarely looking for solutions to our problems — we just want someone to listen and validate our feelings.

However, men feel their best when they see themselves as providers and protectors for their loved ones. Because of this, most men want their partners to see them as a problem solver who always has the solution to their problems.

So how can you make your man feel special? By asking him for advice! Even if you already have a solution in mind, pick is brain every once in a while… you'll see his heart soar every time you do.

3. Give Him Your Full Attention

Have you ever felt annoyed when your partner has his nose in a screen when you're trying to tell him something you feel is important? Well, believe it or not, he feels the exact same way!

Almost all humans want to feel like they matter to someone, so give your partner your undivided attention when he takes the time to open up to you. It will do wonders for your communication and bond.

4. Be His Safe Space

Society tells me that they must be strong and bottle up their emotions, but we all know that's unhealthy. Although we can't change society overnight, we can make sure that our partners feel safe expressing their emotions with us.

When you give a man a safe space to air out his frustrations and let his guard down, he will not only feel more connected to you, but he'll feel like you really care for him and see him as someone worthy of love and care.

Why men love to be appreciated

Making your man feel special will definitely help keep him happy, but is it the total solution? Well, if you read Bethenny Frankel's recent book 10 Rules for Not Screwing Up Your Happily Ever After, you'll soon discover that men also need to feel appreciated.

Men need to feel good about themselves in order to remain happy in a relationship. And how can we help our male counterpart feel better about himself? By making him feel appreciated, duh!

When we constantly focus on the negative aspects of our partner and nag them, they feel discouraged. When this happens, they shut down and ultimately give up on themselves and, of course, the relationship. 

Men often see women as mysteries and have trouble knowing where they stand with us unless we spell it out for them. When we compliment them and show them appreciation, though, men see that we care and the relationship is stable.

Of course, dating expert and life coach Gregg Michaelsen says that men love to be appreciated for a very simple reason: It strokes their ego.

Under the tough exterior layer that most men put forward, there's a sensitive guy who needs a self-esteem boost just as much as his female partner. When you appreciate a man, it helps make him feel better about himself, which in turn makes him feel more loving and affectionate towards you.

Making him satisfied in the bedroom

We all know that men are very primal creatures at times. They’re driven by visual cues, sexual attraction, and intimacy. For this reason, most men see “love” and “sex” as one in the same — meaning that a key to your man’s heart is actually your sex life.

Life coach Jordan Gray states that keeping your man blissfully happy in bed isn’t as hard as you may think, though. In fact, all you need to do is try out a few of these seven things:

  1. Initiate sex sometimes, because it makes your partner feel desired — and that’s sexy.
  2. Make sex multi-sensory by touching, kissing, and licking his entire body — it’s more sensual.
  3. Keep the spontaneity alive with unplanned or surprise sex from time to time.
  4. Be direct — tell him when to cum and ask for it.
  5. Keep up masturbation so you know what you want from him when you’re together.
  6. Put effort into your appearance and wear things that arouse him.
  7. Schedule sex so that it remains a priority in your relationship.

Furthermore, Redbook Magazine mentions that men love when women get vocal and talk dirty, so be sure that you’re making some noise in the bedroom. Men see moans and other vocalizations as compliments because those sounds mean that you’re enjoying what they’re doing. 

So let him know how much you appreciate him — you’ll both feel even more sexually satisfied when you do.

Keys for happiness with him

Not all relationships are meant to last, but far too many fail because partners don’t know how to unlock the right doors to keep the relationship going. According to Dr. Gleb Tsipursky, though, the keys to true relationship happiness are a lot easier to utilize than you may think.

In fact, most of the keys to long-term happiness for partners revolve around practical interpersonal communication skills. 

You need to learn your man’s communication style and use that knowledge to your full advantage. You also need to be open and honest with him no matter what because a breakdown in trust often breaks apart the relationship for good.

Learn to read his body language and really tune in on his emotions — even when they don’t match what he’s saying. If things feel tense or “different,” don’t be afraid to point it out and check-in with your partner on how they feel about the relationship's status.

Final thoughts

Like all interpersonal connections, even the most effective communicating couples have conflicts from time to time. You can work through these disagreements, though; you just need to keep your eye on the prize and be willing to listen, share, and compromise.

And, most importantly, remember that relationships evolve and change over time. You’ll need to accept this and ride the waves together if you want any chance of making the relationship last.

Men may seem like complicated creatures, but with the right information, you can make sure that your man is forever satisfied with you both inside and outside of the bed. 

You just need to make sure that your man feels wanted. That he feels special. And that he feels your love day in and day out. Because at the end of the day, that’s all a man really wants: a woman who loves him for who he is.

Although my marriage failed, that doesn’t mean that your long-term relationship has to slip through the cracks. You can learn from my mistakes and use what I’ve learned in the aftermath to your full advantage — and I really hope you will. 

Keeping your man happy isn’t hard. You just need to remember to actually do it. Don’t go through the motions or neglect your partner. He deserves your full attention and, more importantly, your entire heart.

How To Keep A Guy Interested In You Forever

For most of us, the early stages of any new relationship feel absolutely amazing. We see the fireworks and feel them too! 

Over time, though, those fireworks often fade, and with that comes a whole new set of worries.

What if he’s losing interest? How can I keep our relationship alive? What happens if he cheats? Is he still in love with me?  The questions never stop!

I know that the worries over keeping your man interested feel overwhelming (because I’ve been there too). 

With the right tools and tricks, though, any woman can keep her partner interested and make sure the love stays alive long after that initial honeymoon phase of the relationship ends.

What keeps a man in a relationship?

Although society makes us think that men just want sex without any sort of connection, sex therapist Laurie Watson says that it’s much more complicated than that. In fact, she says that men want an emotional connection just as much as sexual intercourse.

At the end of the day, men want to feel like you want them. It’s that feeling of importance and desire that keeps them around, just like it is for women. However, we all know that the way men give and receive love looks very different than what most women desire.

According to relationship coach Jordan Gray of The Good Men Project, there are just seven basic things every man wants in a relationship:

  1. Approval and praise of their physical appearance, personality traits, and accomplishments
  2. Respect, which men directly equate to love
  3. Sexual connection, including small gestures of sexual interest
  4. Emotional intimacy, so that he feels like he can trust you with his feelings
  5. Space to engage in hobbies or friends so that he doesn’t feel suffocated
  6. Physical touch, which men also equate to love
  7. Security, so that he can trust you with his heart

When a man finds a woman willing to give these things, he feels loved and cared for, which in turn keeps him in the relationship. The funny thing is, none of these items are hard to do, yet we often get so wrapped up in our lives that we forget to stop and do them.

However, none of these items require grand gestures. In fact, you can easily work them into your day. You just need to be aware of these items that your man is looking for, then make sure you’re following through on providing them.

How do you keep a guy's attention long term?

If you constantly worry about how you’ll keep your man’s attention as your relationship develops, know that you aren’t alone. In fact, many women lose sleep over this very same problem!

Luckily, though, there are several things you can do to make sure he stays for years to come.

1. Love Yourself First

Yes, this sounds cheesy and cliche, but there’s truth to this statement for so many reasons.

For starters, when you don’t love yourself, you also don’t think that you’re worthy of love from others. When this happens, it’s almost impossible to build healthy romantic relationships that last.

Furthermore, men love women who put time and energy into themselves physically and mentally. When you struggle with self-esteem and self-love, you’re less likely to put any effort into your appearance and your success — and this turns men away almost instantly.

So, if you want to keep your guy’s attention for the long haul, take care of yourself and let him see that you really care about yourself just as much as you care about him.

2. Keep Him On His Toes

If you ask relationship expert Susan McCord what she recommends to clients who want to keep their man’s attention, one of her biggest tips is this: Keep things fun and interesting! 

So many of us forget to spice things up after the initial phase of the relationship ends, but most experts say that complacency is one of the top killers of long-term relationships. When things become predictable and monotonous, men lose interest — and that’s when they stray.

Therefore, it’s important to try new things or do something adventurous with your guy from time to time. Find new restaurants to try or break out of your comfort zone and test out some new activities together. 

Your man will never get bored if you’re mixing things up from time to time, and as they say, “the couple who plays together stays together!”

3. Show Interest In What Interests Him

Relationships are all about give and take — it’s part of what makes human interaction so special. Therefore, it’s important to take a genuine interest in what your guy cares about if you want him to stick around.

Showing interest in your partner’s hobbies or favorite pastimes not only demonstrates that he’s worth the effort, but it also lets him see that you’re compatible for the long term. 

After all, if he watches football every weekend while you whine about how boring it is, do you really think that the relationship will last? Probably not.

What’s more, nearly any guy will open up and talk more if you chat about something that really interests them, so taking an interest in their favorite things can be a great way to connect on a new level emotionally.

4. Speak His Love Language

Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages has become the ultimate guide to helping people show love and admiration to their romantic partners. 

If you aren’t familiar with love languages, here’s the concept in a nutshell: We all see love in slightly different ways, and we must understand how our partner experiences love so that we can give them what they need.

When you show your man love in a way that makes sense to him, he receives the message that you care. When you show love in a different way, though, your message may get lost in translation. 

Therefore, it’s important to determine if your guy is a “Words of Affirmation” man or if he responds to “Physical Touch” (or any of the other five love languages).

5. Don’t Be Afraid To Be Sexy

For most men, increased sexual activities are one of the best benefits of a romantic relationship. But that doesn’t mean that they always want to be the one who initiates the sexual encounters.

If you want to keep your guy’s attention, don’t be afraid to embrace your sexuality and flaunt it from time to time!

Trust me, guys love it when girls wear revealing clothing or seductively suggest naughty things. You can even show your sexy side with smaller gestures like suggestive text messages or by leaving a new piece of lingerie sitting on the bed. 

Your man will surely eat up all of the sexy little things you do and stick around for more!

How to increase his sexual desire for you after sleeping with him?

We’ve all heard the phrase “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” used in reference to sexual relationships. As a result, many women worry that all of the magic will die as soon as they climb into bed with a guy.

However, expert dating coach Jason Silver claims that there’s one thing you can do to keep the spark alive and increase a man’s sexual desire for you even after you sleep with him. 

What is it?  Assuming attraction.

Assuming attraction doesn’t require you to change your entire appearance or play any sort of mind tricks with your man. All you need to do is reframe how you see yourself and let your confidence do the rest!

Keeping your man in love with you

Once you find love, you want to make sure it lasts, right? But between hookup culture and ghosting, it’s hard to know what you can do to make sure that your love lasts.

Luckily, most relationship experts agree that women who do these five things have the best chance of holding on to love with their man:

  1. Choose Wisely - Although it’s tempting to jump in headfirst with whoever you can find, it’s important to choose someone that you’ll remain compatible with for the long run. So when you’re dating, make sure you choose someone with the same values and goals as you.
  2. Don't Chase Him - When love is meant to be, it doesn’t feel forced or difficult. This is why it’s critical to never chase after a man or force him into loving you. Besides, when you let things happen naturally and trust the process, he’s much more likely to stick around.
  3. Have His Back. Always -  Men who feel supported, admired, and loved stick around — it’s that simple. What’s more, when you believe in your partner and support his dreams, he feels all that much more confident and able to achieve them.
  4. Love Him How He Needs - As I previously mentioned, understanding your man’s love language is so important! When you love him in the ways he needs you to, he’s going to stick around.
  5. Don't Lose Yourself - I can’t tell you the number of women who lose themselves over time once they commit to someone. However, your partner chose you for a reason, so keep being yourself! Similarly, don’t forget self-care and your own needs as well as your partner’s. When we stop taking care of ourselves physically and emotionally, our relationships tank as well.

Keys to learning what he wants

We all know that men aren’t great communicators at times. However, that doesn’t mean that we can’t find some creative ways to learn what he really wants! 

Obviously, the best way to learn what he wants is to simply ask. Bustle columnist Eva Grant has a great list of questions that really help you unlock what your partner wants:

  1. “What should our sexual relationship look like to you?”
  2. “I’m curious: How do you feel things are going?”
  3. “In your mind, what does a truly balanced relationship look like?”
  4. “What do you think we could work on to improve our relationship?”
  5.  “What are some of your goals in this relationship?”
  6. “In your mind, what does a healthy relationship look and feel like?”
  7. “What would you love for us to do more of?”
  8. “What do you feel like we argue about the most? How do you think we can solve it?”
  9. “How do you feel when we disagree?”
  10. “What do you see the next step in our relationship being? When would you feel comfortable taking that step?”
  11. “What are your financial/personal/life goals?”
  12. “Where do you see us in one year (or more)?”

When you ask these questions, make sure that you actively listen to your man’s responses and take in what he has to say. Don’t get hung up on how to “fix” things or drift into thoughts about other things. Just be present in the conversation so you can truly understand what he wants.

Final thoughts

Whether you’ve been dating your guy for a few months or several years, you’re probably wondering how to keep him interested so that the love you share doesn’t fade. 

However, if you’re going to keep your man interested, you’ve got to set those fears aside and focus on what really matters: your partner.

Let him see that you’re committed and stable, but still a bit mysterious at times. Don’t be afraid to ask questions or give him space from time to time. 

But, most importantly, love your man the way he asks for you to love him. When you do that, you’ll not only keep him interested, but you’ll make sure that your love never, ever dies.

How To Forgive An Unfaithful Wife After The Affair

I know this might sound hard to believe, but most wives don’t plan to cheat. However, for nearly 1 in 5 couples these days, infidelity happens.

Affairs happen for a whole multitude of reasons, although that doesn’t justify anyone’s behavior.

If you love your wife and want to forgive her someday, though, it’s essential to recognize that it takes a whole chain of events for cheating to unfold, and frequently couples miss out on 99.9% of the warning signs.

Just because you missed the problems the first time, that doesn’t mean you can’t still repair what once was broken and move on to live in a stable, healthy marriage for many years to come.

You just need the right tools to help you process your pain and move forward with your life. Furthermore, you and your wife both need the tools to love each other and prevent affairs from ever tainting your relationship again.

How do you get over your wife cheating on you?

Moving past an affair is a difficult concept for most spouses, but especially for husbands. In fact, New York-based psychiatrist Mark Epstein told Web MD that the idea of a faithless wife sends many husbands over the edge.

If your wife cheated, you might feel like you’ll never be able to wipe those images from your head. However, most experts say that if you can talk through the infidelity and ask what happened and why, you’ll have the best chance of working through it.

Once you know the whole story, work through your emotions. You probably feel shocked, confused, sad, or even angry — all of these feelings are valid.

It will take time to work through these feelings and may even feel like you’re grieving the loss of your marriage. That’s OK.

While you work through your feelings, though, avoid seeking revenge or pointing fingers. However, the experts at Verywell Mind stress that these tactics will keep you trapped in your anger and ultimately stunt your healing. Instead, focus inward and take care of yourself. 

You may also feel like the affair is a reflection of your lack of manhood. It’s important to consider what was going on in the relationship leading up to the infidelity without placing judgment solely on yourself. Often a multitude of factors leads to an affair; not just one.

Finally, seeking help from a couple’s counselor is one of the most important things you can do to help you work through your feelings and decide if you can save your marriage.

A therapist serves as a neutral party who can help you process what happened and provide insight.

A couple’s counselor will take in all of the information provided and explain what you can do to work through it or how you can go about separating your lives.

Working through infidelity takes time and energy, but you can get over the affair with help if you're committed to your marriage.

How long does it take to forgive a cheating spouse?

As you begin the process of working through your emotions about the affair, you’re probably wondering how long it will take to forgive your wife.

While some people estimate that it takes the average man up to 2 years to forgive a cheating wife, most experts agree that everyone forgives at different times. In fact, the forgiveness process varies based on these factors:


  • The emotional connection you two share
  • The amount of remorse your wife displays
  • The severity and duration of the affair
  • Past incidents of infidelity
  • Your willingness to work things through with a couple’s counselor

Furthermore, Savannah Ellis of The Infidelity Recovery Institute says that every partner who has been cheated on works through a set of 5 stages — similar to the stages of grief — after learning about an affair. 

Stage 1: Discovery

The circumstances surrounding how you learn about the affair definitely impact the amount of time it takes you to forgive your wife. 

How did you learn about the affair? Is this the first time your wife has been unfaithful? 

The answers to these questions will influence your feelings and steer the rest of the forgiveness process, as will your ability to make sense of the situation.

Stage 2: Grieving

In this stage, you work through your emotions surrounding the affair. Depending on how much you obsess over the affair and worry, this stage can take a bit of time to work through. 

However, if you seek help from a couple’s counselor or individual therapist, you can work through emotions more quickly. 

Also, your spouse will also experience her own grieving process as she ends the affair and tries to fill the void. If not handled appropriately, this can lead to continued infidelity which will add years to both of your recovery.

Stage 3: Acceptance

In this third stage, you and your spouse finally come to terms with what happened. 

In some cases, acceptance means recognizing that a marriage is over and starting the process of separation. In other instances, acceptance means making peace with the affair so you can move forward.

Although it’s tempting to hold a grudge or seek revenge as you work through your emotions, this will cause you to stall out and never reach acceptance. This step is critical if you want to save your marriage, so it’s important to be mindful of your thoughts.

While acceptance takes time and a considerable amount of energy, many couples find this “clean slate” to be helpful in revitalizing their marriage.

Stage 4: Reconnection

Once you and your partner have accepted the affair and worked through some of your emotions, you can start trying to reconnect. However, reconnecting doesn’t mean just resuming sex — you must also work on rebuilding your emotional connection as well.

Furthermore, you and your wife must break old habits that didn’t work and establish new ones as you reconnect. This means learning effective communication skills, ways to show each other love, and preferences when it comes to sex and intimacy. This will take time, but it’s worth it!

Stage 5: Maintenance

Don’t be shocked if it takes a while for you and your wife to reach this phase, especially if she was cheating for a while before you found out. However, this final phase is where you begin living in your new reality after the affair.


Can a marriage really survive infidelity in the long term?

When you marry your partner, you usually say the words “to death do us part.” However, many couples find it difficult to move past infidelity and salvage their marriage after a spouse cheats.

Ask most psychologists, though, and you’ll learn that nearly any marriage can survive an affair — if both partners are willing to put in the time and energy to make sure their marriage remains successful in the aftermath of infidelity.

While we don’t see it happen in many movies, many real-life couples find ways to keep their marriage alive after infidelity and actually make it thrive. 

The key to making sure your marriage survives after infidelity is by rebuilding trust. Once you recommit to each other and self-improve, you can work through the affair and build a strong enough relationship to survive anything… even a cheating wife.

What are the chances that your wife cheats again?

Although we all know the phrase “once a cheater, always a cheater,” couple’s therapist and author Tammy Nelson says that isn’t always the case. She argues that once people feel the guilt of cheating, they’re often willing to work towards change.

While this may be the case, a recent study published by the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that people who cheated in one relationship are three times as likely to cheat again in future relationships.

In fact, out of the participants in this study, nearly half of them fully admitted to cheating more than once.

This study doesn’t mean that partners don’t feel remorse for cheating, though. It merely shows people's propensity to cheat a second time if they already cheated to begin with. 

However, if you want to ensure that your wife never cheats again, you’ll need to commit to putting lots of effort into your marriage and asking her to do the same. Most couples let their emotional connection whither over time, and this often leads to infidelity. 

If you both approach the affair with an open mind and willingness to work, it’s entirely possible to heal the relationship and make it cheat-proof.

Why do some women cheat and blame their husband when confronted?

According to relationship and infidelity expert Sheri Meyers, it’s not uncommon for women to cheat and later blame their husband when confronted. In fact, most women cite a lack of emotional intimacy for their rationale for an affair.

Women (and sometimes even men) blame their cheating partner for a multitude of reasons. Many people try to avoid feelings of guilt by pointing fingers elsewhere for their sinful behavior for starters. After all, blaming someone else makes it feel less horrible in the short-term.

Furthermore, cheaters try to minimize their infidelity to make it easier to cope with the shame that usually comes when their partner discovers the affair.

It’s the same reason why people downplay their drinking habits or other vices. When we minimize our flaws, it makes them feel less horrible.

Finally, some wives blame their husbands when confronted because they simply feel caught off-guard and don’t know how to respond. By placing the blame somewhere else, they can take some time to collect their thoughts and really evaluate why they cheated in the first place.

Whether it’s a one-night stand or a full-fledged affair, it’s never fun to find out that your wife is cheating. Regardless of what emotions come up, though, know that every single one of your thoughts and feelings is justified given the situation.

Working towards forgiveness will take some time, and you may not be ready yet. That’s OK! Don’t rush it!

When you’re ready, though, sit down with your wife and talk things through. Try to listen and understand the affair from her perspective, then share your thoughts and feelings in a calm, effective manner. 

You may decide to work things out and even seek professional help — there’s nothing wrong with that. 

Just know that whatever happens, you’re strong and able to withstand it. And, with any luck, your marriage is able to withstand this trial by fire, too.

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