For most of us, the early stages of any new relationship feel absolutely amazing. We see the fireworks and feel them too!
Over time, though, those fireworks often fade, and with that comes a whole new set of worries.
What if he’s losing interest? How can I keep our relationship alive? What happens if he cheats? Is he still in love with me? The questions never stop!
I know that the worries over keeping your man interested feel overwhelming (because I’ve been there too).
With the right tools and tricks, though, any woman can keep her partner interested and make sure the love stays alive long after that initial honeymoon phase of the relationship ends.
What keeps a man in a relationship?
Although society makes us think that men just want sex without any sort of connection, sex therapist Laurie Watson says that it’s much more complicated than that. In fact, she says that men want an emotional connection just as much as sexual intercourse.
At the end of the day, men want to feel like you want them. It’s that feeling of importance and desire that keeps them around, just like it is for women. However, we all know that the way men give and receive love looks very different than what most women desire.
According to relationship coach Jordan Gray of The Good Men Project, there are just seven basic things every man wants in a relationship:
- Approval and praise of their physical appearance, personality traits, and accomplishments
- Respect, which men directly equate to love
- Sexual connection, including small gestures of sexual interest
- Emotional intimacy, so that he feels like he can trust you with his feelings
- Space to engage in hobbies or friends so that he doesn’t feel suffocated
- Physical touch, which men also equate to love
- Security, so that he can trust you with his heart
When a man finds a woman willing to give these things, he feels loved and cared for, which in turn keeps him in the relationship. The funny thing is, none of these items are hard to do, yet we often get so wrapped up in our lives that we forget to stop and do them.
However, none of these items require grand gestures. In fact, you can easily work them into your day. You just need to be aware of these items that your man is looking for, then make sure you’re following through on providing them.
How do you keep a guy's attention long term?
If you constantly worry about how you’ll keep your man’s attention as your relationship develops, know that you aren’t alone. In fact, many women lose sleep over this very same problem!
Luckily, though, there are several things you can do to make sure he stays for years to come.
1. Love Yourself First
Yes, this sounds cheesy and cliche, but there’s truth to this statement for so many reasons.
For starters, when you don’t love yourself, you also don’t think that you’re worthy of love from others. When this happens, it’s almost impossible to build healthy romantic relationships that last.
Furthermore, men love women who put time and energy into themselves physically and mentally. When you struggle with self-esteem and self-love, you’re less likely to put any effort into your appearance and your success — and this turns men away almost instantly.
So, if you want to keep your guy’s attention for the long haul, take care of yourself and let him see that you really care about yourself just as much as you care about him.
2. Keep Him On His Toes
If you ask relationship expert Susan McCord what she recommends to clients who want to keep their man’s attention, one of her biggest tips is this: Keep things fun and interesting!
So many of us forget to spice things up after the initial phase of the relationship ends, but most experts say that complacency is one of the top killers of long-term relationships. When things become predictable and monotonous, men lose interest — and that’s when they stray.
Therefore, it’s important to try new things or do something adventurous with your guy from time to time. Find new restaurants to try or break out of your comfort zone and test out some new activities together.
Your man will never get bored if you’re mixing things up from time to time, and as they say, “the couple who plays together stays together!”
3. Show Interest In What Interests Him
Relationships are all about give and take — it’s part of what makes human interaction so special. Therefore, it’s important to take a genuine interest in what your guy cares about if you want him to stick around.
Showing interest in your partner’s hobbies or favorite pastimes not only demonstrates that he’s worth the effort, but it also lets him see that you’re compatible for the long term.
After all, if he watches football every weekend while you whine about how boring it is, do you really think that the relationship will last? Probably not.
What’s more, nearly any guy will open up and talk more if you chat about something that really interests them, so taking an interest in their favorite things can be a great way to connect on a new level emotionally.
4. Speak His Love Language
Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages has become the ultimate guide to helping people show love and admiration to their romantic partners.
If you aren’t familiar with love languages, here’s the concept in a nutshell: We all see love in slightly different ways, and we must understand how our partner experiences love so that we can give them what they need.
When you show your man love in a way that makes sense to him, he receives the message that you care. When you show love in a different way, though, your message may get lost in translation.
Therefore, it’s important to determine if your guy is a “Words of Affirmation” man or if he responds to “Physical Touch” (or any of the other five love languages).
5. Don’t Be Afraid To Be Sexy
For most men, increased sexual activities are one of the best benefits of a romantic relationship. But that doesn’t mean that they always want to be the one who initiates the sexual encounters.
If you want to keep your guy’s attention, don’t be afraid to embrace your sexuality and flaunt it from time to time!
Trust me, guys love it when girls wear revealing clothing or seductively suggest naughty things. You can even show your sexy side with smaller gestures like suggestive text messages or by leaving a new piece of lingerie sitting on the bed.
Your man will surely eat up all of the sexy little things you do and stick around for more!
How to increase his sexual desire for you after sleeping with him?
We’ve all heard the phrase “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” used in reference to sexual relationships. As a result, many women worry that all of the magic will die as soon as they climb into bed with a guy.
However, expert dating coach Jason Silver claims that there’s one thing you can do to keep the spark alive and increase a man’s sexual desire for you even after you sleep with him.
What is it? Assuming attraction.
Assuming attraction doesn’t require you to change your entire appearance or play any sort of mind tricks with your man. All you need to do is reframe how you see yourself and let your confidence do the rest!
Keeping your man in love with you
Once you find love, you want to make sure it lasts, right? But between hookup culture and ghosting, it’s hard to know what you can do to make sure that your love lasts.
Luckily, most relationship experts agree that women who do these five things have the best chance of holding on to love with their man:
- Choose Wisely - Although it’s tempting to jump in headfirst with whoever you can find, it’s important to choose someone that you’ll remain compatible with for the long run. So when you’re dating, make sure you choose someone with the same values and goals as you.
- Don't Chase Him - When love is meant to be, it doesn’t feel forced or difficult. This is why it’s critical to never chase after a man or force him into loving you. Besides, when you let things happen naturally and trust the process, he’s much more likely to stick around.
- Have His Back. Always - Men who feel supported, admired, and loved stick around — it’s that simple. What’s more, when you believe in your partner and support his dreams, he feels all that much more confident and able to achieve them.
- Love Him How He Needs - As I previously mentioned, understanding your man’s love language is so important! When you love him in the ways he needs you to, he’s going to stick around.
- Don't Lose Yourself - I can’t tell you the number of women who lose themselves over time once they commit to someone. However, your partner chose you for a reason, so keep being yourself! Similarly, don’t forget self-care and your own needs as well as your partner’s. When we stop taking care of ourselves physically and emotionally, our relationships tank as well.
Keys to learning what he wants
We all know that men aren’t great communicators at times. However, that doesn’t mean that we can’t find some creative ways to learn what he really wants!
Obviously, the best way to learn what he wants is to simply ask. Bustle columnist Eva Grant has a great list of questions that really help you unlock what your partner wants:
- “What should our sexual relationship look like to you?”
- “I’m curious: How do you feel things are going?”
- “In your mind, what does a truly balanced relationship look like?”
- “What do you think we could work on to improve our relationship?”
- “What are some of your goals in this relationship?”
- “In your mind, what does a healthy relationship look and feel like?”
- “What would you love for us to do more of?”
- “What do you feel like we argue about the most? How do you think we can solve it?”
- “How do you feel when we disagree?”
- “What do you see the next step in our relationship being? When would you feel comfortable taking that step?”
- “What are your financial/personal/life goals?”
- “Where do you see us in one year (or more)?”
When you ask these questions, make sure that you actively listen to your man’s responses and take in what he has to say. Don’t get hung up on how to “fix” things or drift into thoughts about other things. Just be present in the conversation so you can truly understand what he wants.
Whether you’ve been dating your guy for a few months or several years, you’re probably wondering how to keep him interested so that the love you share doesn’t fade.
However, if you’re going to keep your man interested, you’ve got to set those fears aside and focus on what really matters: your partner.
Let him see that you’re committed and stable, but still a bit mysterious at times. Don’t be afraid to ask questions or give him space from time to time.
But, most importantly, love your man the way he asks for you to love him. When you do that, you’ll not only keep him interested, but you’ll make sure that your love never, ever dies.