Immediately after a breakup, you might experience a wide range of emotions. Loneliness, grief, anger, rejection, and confusion. 

The post-breakup healing process is like navigating turbulent ocean waves. But eventually, those messy waters will calm and you’ll find yourself itching to explore uncharted waters again. 

The last step in the post-breakup healing process is sort of like a graduation. You’ll have learned a few lessons in love and maybe have a better idea of what you need in a partner. 

So, if it’s time for your post-breakup graduation -- it might also be time for a post-breakup glow-up. 

A glow-up is an internal and external transformation. Before you get back out there, work on feeling like the best version of yourself first.

Let’s get into all things post-breakup glow-up. We’ll mention some action items, products, affirmations, and self-care tips.

You gotta feel it to heal it

It’s gotta be said if you haven’t let yourself be all up in your feelings about a break up -- YOU’VE GOT TO. The saying goes “you’ve got to feel it to heal it.” And it couldn’t be more true.

Numbing out and ignoring your own need for healing is not wise.

Feel your feelings. Breakups hurt. They can bring up a lot of emotional baggage you had stored away. Move through those emotions, let yourself feel them so you can let them go.

 If you don’t let those feelings out, you just store them away. You don’t want to take that hurt into your next relationship. So, before you start your glow-up, make sure you aren’t ignoring your emotions.

If you need time to cry it out -- call a friend, write in a journal, cry in your car listening to sad music. Release in any way you need to let it out. Just make sure you let it out before moving on.

Get your mindset right

Now that you’ve moved through the bulk of your breakup blues, it’s time to get that mindset right. 

A common misconception is a break-up is a “failure.” But it’s not. A breakup is just the acknowledgment that something simply wasn’t working. Staying when you know you shouldn’t is a disservice to both parties. 

A good way to reset your perspective is to treat yourself like you would your best friend.

If your best friend said, “UGH I’m a big failure, another failed relationship..” 

You’d say “Of course you aren’t! They just weren’t right for you. You deserve happiness!” Right?

So give that loving compassion to yourself. You deserve happiness too.

Positive Affirmations

Give yourself some love

Self-care, honey.

When you’re glowing up, or even going through the weeds, you need to show yourself some love. Give yourself gifts of pampering, fun, and even alone time. Here are some self-loving action items.

✨ Social media cleanse 

If you need to, block your ex on social media. If you’re the type that’s constantly refreshing Instagram, dying to see who your ex is with -- cut that out. You’re letting them go, which means cleansing your social media of them too. The unfollow (and/or block) button is free. 

✨ Yes, masturbation is self-care 

Saying goodbye to your sexual partner doesn’t mean you have to say goodbye to your sexual pleasure. Quite the opposite. Flying solo is healthy and beneficial for your mental health. Invest time in your own pleasure.

✨ Get rid of anything you have of theirs

Once you’re at the right stage, you’ve got to let go of anything you have that either belonged to them or reminds you of them. Fridge photos, their favorite mug, clothes, etc. Get it out and say goodbye. This is an act of self-love. 

✨ Read self-help books that resonate with you

Deep dive into self-help topics that light you up. There are amazing books about emotional healing, breakups, mindfulness, and self-love. Take a page out of their book and learn from this whole process. 

✨ Get a therapist 

Yes, you can pay a compassionate human to sit with you and sort through your feelings. It’s a great act of self-love to get a supportive talk therapist during a hard time. This may help expedite the healing process and help you see things you might have otherwise missed.

Embody the new

The definition of embodiment is “a tangible or visible form of an idea, quality, or feeling.” 

A physical glow-up is an embodiment of all that you’ve internally transformed. 

This can take so many forms. This could just be how you confidently command yourself. Or it could be a physical change you’ve always been tempted by. Here are some ways you can embody the new.

• Get that hair cut or color you've always wanted
  Always wanted bangs? Do it. Always wanted to be a redhead? Call your salon. There’s a lot of change that has changed internally, so try to bring that to life with a new hairstyle. 
• Take fantastic care of your skin
  Glow-up by literally glowing. Learn the ins and outs of skincare. Invest in getting your skin looking its very best. Set up a day and night skincare routine. 
• Get moving and feel good in your body 
  Revenge body? Maybe. But if you want to change your body, do it for you. Get your body moving -- go running, start weight lifting, start a yoga practice. Try something new and energizing. You’ll feel more alive and centered in your body. 
• Ask for what you want 
  You know what you want. So, ask for it. Setting clear boundaries and asking for what you need is an embodiment of everything you’ve learned from your breakup. It’s not selfish to ask for what you want.

Summary

Breakups are hard. They can be dark and twisty. But, you can come out of them a better version of yourself. Keep chasing this glow-up and you’ll be able to get back out on the market proud to be you.

Happy, healthy relationships require honesty, mutual respect, and a certain level of vulnerability. Sometimes we all struggle with these things because opening up and sharing with someone is scary. However, we all need to do these things to find lasting love.

For emotionally unavailable people, though, this openness isn’t just hard — it’s nearly impossible.

It may be hard to know if you’re in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man, though. Sometimes we ignore the signs. Other times, we try to rationalize our partner’s behavior or find ways to blame ourselves.

Suppose you feel like your relationship revolves around sex and but lacks a deeper, more emotional connection.

In that case, you just might be dealing with this type of man — a man who avoids emotional intimacy and long-term commitment.

What is an emotionally unavailable man?

Emotionally unavailable men struggle with complex emotions. They lack emotional intelligence and rarely understand their own feelings, let alone those of a romantic partner. Because of this, these men struggle to give and receive love.

These men may appear outgoing, charismatic, and even charming at first — but this illusion ends the moment you try to move beyond the surface and really connect with them.

These men put up strong walls that leave you feeling lost and disconnected, though you may not fully understand why it's happening.

A man lacking emotions may push you away or deflect when you discuss emotions, the future, or any other deep topics that make them feel threatened or uncomfortable.

However, most of these men lack any sort of awareness of their emotional shortcomings, and they rarely realize how their intimate aversions affect romantic partners.

What are the tell-tale signs?

While you may worry that any guy who doesn't instantly open up is not available emotionally, that's not the case. In fact, an article in Women's Health Magazine lists 11 key indicators of a man who's emotionally unavailable. Here are a few key highlights:

First Sign - Men who are like this often avoid showing any sort of physical affection or compliments. While they may still show an interest in sex, you may feel like the sex lacks real emotional connection.

Second Sign - These men will also seem very unavailable in general and have absolutely zero respect for your time. They may not respond to a phone call or text message for hours or even days, and they have no problem canceling on you even at the last minute.

Third Sign - They see women with healthy views on intimacy and emotional expression as "intense" or "weak." They may even invalidate your emotions, judge you, and make you feel guilty for even simple requests.

Fourth Sign - These men will quickly become defensive and pull away anytime you try to force an intimate connection. They may blame others or pick fights when you try to talk to them about their emotions or the relationship as a whole. Because of this, they rarely put equal effort into the relationship.

What causes guys to become this way?

There’s no single cause of emotional unavailability that covers all men. Some men learn to make themselves unavailable from a very young age due to childhood trauma or neglect.

Others use this emotional disconnect as a protective measure after going through an incredibly difficult breakup or discovering a cheating partner.

However, not all men lack emotions because of traumatic experiences. Sometimes guys just get too wrapped up in their career or their friendships — and maybe they aren’t quite ready for a truly intimate connection with a romantic partner.

Regardless of the causes, though, most of these men will make you feel unimportant, and you’ll constantly feel a wall between the two of you. This can feel very frustrating, especially if you have strong feelings or seek a very committed relationship.

How do you deal with them?

Although some women are ready to throw the towel in as soon as they pick up on the signs that their man is emotionally unavailable, that doesn't mean you have to. 

Instead, the experts at Mind, Body, Green claim that you can prepare yourself to handle this kind of guy with a few basic tips.

For starters, you need to recognize the signs that he's unavailable and look for the root causes. Understanding his aloofness and what made him that way will help you figure out where to go next. 

If he's unavailable because of past trauma or an underlying mental health condition, explore the idea of individual therapy or couples counseling to see how he feels about the idea.

However, make sure that you don't enable his emotional unavailability or use the same tactics back on him. Neither of those approaches will help, and over time they will only cause your relationship to fizzle out.

If it seems like the disconnection is by choice, don't try to control him or fix the problem — that will only make it worse. 

Instead, focus on your own feelings and take time to reflect on how your partner's lack of emotional availability impacts you. You may find that the relationship is too taxing and you need some space — and that's okay!

Signs an emotionally unavailable man is in love with you

It’s hard for these men to fall in love because, well, they made it difficult by putting up all the barriers and pulling away.

No matter how disconnected he seems, though, the fact is that it’s not impossible for an this type of man to fall in love. In fact, Kiran Athar claims there are 10 distinct signs that he's falling in love with you.

1. He opens up to you - Even if it’s small stuff, like some facts about his personal life or past, listen up — he’s trying really hard to build a connection.
2. He shares what he’s feeling - Most of these men avoid acknowledging or expressing nearly any emotion, so if he’s sharing how he’s feeling, that’s a clear indication that he trusts you enough to get vulnerable.
3. He shares difficult details about his past - These details are probably part of the reason he’s unavailable, so listen and try to understand. It will help him see that trusting you is the right thing to do.
4. He starts working towards change - Whether he starts seeing a therapist or just puts in a concerted effort to be more emotionally available, realize the reasons behind these sudden changes — they’re because he wants to create a lasting relationship with you.
5. He no longer avoids commitment - Although most of these men dodge commitment, your man may start discussing his future with you if he’s falling in love. Don’t press him on it, but welcome any conversations that he starts.
6. He asks for your opinion - These men usually try to control everything. If he’s falling for you, though, he will start including you in decision making and ask what you think a lot more often.
7. He starts keeping his promises - Although these men want to keep you around, they usually make empty promises that they have no intention of keeping. However, if he has feelings for you, he just may start cashing in on those promises and genuinely try to keep you happy.
8. He lets you meet his friends - He doesn’t want to do anything that may scare you off or give you the wrong idea, so they usually avoid introducing their friends. If he starts letting you meet important people in his life, then chances are he’s falling in love.
9. He protects you - When partners protect you in a healthy way, it’s a sign that they care about you. Although he doesn’t always know how to show that they care, being protective of you is a good indication that he loves you.
10. Your relationship’s emotional intimacy builds - Relationships with these men almost always feel like they’re about the sex. However, if the two of you start building a deeper emotional connection, it’s probably because he’s caught feelings.

Is it worth it to try and change him or will he always have a wall up?

Even the most of emotionally unavailable man is still a man. He’s not a child, and he’s not just going to change overnight. 

According to dating and life coach Gregg Michaelsen, these men don’t just struggle with talking about their feelings — they shy away from emotions altogether. 

It may be tempting to try to change him or rescue him. You may want to feel that rush that comes with making someone a better person. However, you can’t save a person who doesn’t want to be saved. 

Chances are, he will continue to be unavailable emotionally until he makes the conscious decision to seek help on his own. Nothing you say or do will help him take down those walls or change him. 

Instead, you need to decide if you can handle the toll that being in this type of relationship takes. If he chooses to change, then you need to be patient and meet him where he is. You need to show him compassion, understanding, and support.

However, if he isn’t willing to see the issues or work on them, then you need to decide how long you’re willing to stay. Emotional unavailability can kill a relationship, but until you decide to walk away, the relationship can hurt you in many, many ways.

Final thoughts

Whether you’ve been together for a matter of weeks or over a year, if you just read this and see the writing on the wall, it’s time you recognize that you’re dating a man like this. 

You likely didn’t cause his emotional unavailability, and no matter how much you love this man, it’s important to remember the truth — he has issues that nobody can fix overnight.

These relationships can feel very stressful and isolating, and pressing him towards change won’t help bring the two of you closer together. In fact, it just might push him away.

Don’t give up entirely your man just yet, though. If you think he’s willing and able to change, then there are options. You can seek couples counseling or encourage your man to seek out therapy on his own.

If you don’t think he’s ready to seek help yet, then you need to decide how long you’re willing to stay. Things will only change if he is ready to change, but that doesn’t mean you have to hang onto someone who isn’t willing to give you what you need.

At the end of the day, you deserve a happy, healthy relationship — everyone does.

Pursuit is one of the best parts of dating, but you need to know how to pursue and be pursued.

Finding a man is about making yourself available but not looking desperate. It’s quite the balancing act, and it can definitely get frustrating. However, when you’re able to catch someone through persistence and dropping subtle hints, it’s a lot more satisfying than just getting their love outright.

After all, aren’t the best things in life ones that we get through true effort and patience, instead of just having them handed to us?

When you hear amazing stories of couples falling in love, you’re not usually as captivated by the ones where they agree to go out on a date on the first try, right?

The more meaningful something is, the more effort we should be willing to put in. If you’re not interested in having a man work to get you, then you’re just not interested in them. This is good if you’re trying to figure out whether you want a certain someone or are just looking for sex.

This chase isn’t a one-sided thing, either. You should relish going after him as well. This can be like a chess game between two experts. Once you’ve finally come together, it can be like drinking water when you’ve been crawling through the desert for days.

Unfortunately, we’ve been fooled into thinking the chase only matters during courtship. Once someone has agreed to be with us, they can quickly lose their drive. You might have been guilty of this.

There’s just something about getting what you want that can make you lose your passion. It’s hard to understand but easy to recognize.

Instead of having someone get bored of you and revealing their interest was only superficial, find someone who is interested in you beyond the short-term. We’ve created these tips to help you with every part of this experience.

Make Your Life Great

This is the most crucial part of this guide.

Unless your life is one worth caring about, no one is going to want to be part of it.

Of course, everyone is special in their own way, and your personality can go a long way. However, you can’t rely on being ‘nice” or “polite.”

Those are base-level qualities. If you don’t already have those, then you need to read another guide before reading this one.

If you do have them, you need to keep going. How do you use those qualities for the betterment of your life and the world around you? We’re not asking you to be the next Nelson Mandela, but your life needs to be one that actually has a purpose.

Find out what makes you get up in the morning and share your gifts with the world. If you don’t, you’re going to end up with people who don’t understand you, because you don’t understand yourself.

Enjoy The Single Life

Getting into a relationship so you can stop being single is like ordering a seven-course meal because you’re a little hungry. Relationships are great, but they should never be forced.

Don’t worry about finding the right person as you bemoan being single. Embrace your independence and use it as an opportunity to learn about yourself and what you want.

Desperation is never a good luck. Being single can still involve dating and sex, but you shouldn’t just throw yourself into the arms of the first person to show you the slightest bit of interest.

If you can’t figure out why you’re with someone beyond them offering companionship, you shouldn’t be with them. Eventually, you can find yourself longing to be single but feeling stuck in a tepid or unhealthy relationship.

Treat yourself well when you’re single, and you’ll make smarter relationship decisions. Suitors will notice how lively you are, and it will make you so much more attractive.

Set Your Standards Just High Enough (But Not Unrealistically)

If you fall for everyone, you’re signaling that you’re easily led. It might be that others are manipulating you, or that your brain has been wired against prudent decision-making.

You might need another source, such as a close friend, to give an analysis of your relationship habits.

Unlearning these behaviors means fighting against your base instincts. It’s like withholding the urge to hit snooze when it’s time to get out of bed. Some times will be harder than others, but those are the ones that help to build up your exterior to not fall in love so easily.

A good partner is someone who admires your selectiveness. Anyone who just doles out affection to anyone who shows them attention needs some help. Your time on Earth is valuable, and it doesn’t need to be wasted on people who aren’t right for you.

Reserve "Boyfriend Perks" For Relationships

There’s more to relationships than regular sex. Lots of people value the stability and emotional availability they provide.

This can be great to offer, until you’re stuck with someone who only wants these benefits for themselves, without putting in the work.

It’s fine to be a naturally supportive person, but don’t let yourself be pulled into giving emotional support for someone that isn’t offering the same in return.

You could have someone using you as nothing more than a therapist. While relationships should be about support and listening, they shouldn’t only be about that.

Pay Attention To How He Treats You

No one who treats you poorly deserves your time, period. Many people have their red flags out in the open, but they can be easy to ignore if you’re too obsessed with an idealized version of them.

Don’t let yourself be so intimidated by someone’s looks or reputation that you excuse poor behavior. This is how people have gotten away with abusive behavior. They use their positions of power to exert dominance over others.

Whoever you’re pursuing might not be evil, but they might have too many liabilities. If you value punctuality and they’re always late, that’s just not someone you should pursue any longer.

There are so many people who look great on paper/in photos but who have awful personalities. When they show these sides, you can see just how ugly they actually and know that you shouldn’t waste your time with them.

Don't Wait For Him To Improve

No one who treats you poorly deserves your time, period. Many people have their red flags out in the open, but they can be easy to ignore if you’re too obsessed with an idealized version of them.

Don’t let yourself be so intimidated by someone’s looks or reputation that you excuse poor behavior. This is how people have gotten away with abusive behavior. They use their positions of power to exert dominance over others.

Whoever you’re pursuing might not be evil, but they might have too many liabilities. If you value punctuality and they’re always late, that’s just not someone you should pursue any longer.

There are so many people who look great on paper/in photos but who have awful personalities. When they show these sides, you can see just how ugly they actually and know that you shouldn’t waste your time with them.

Final Thoughts

Don’t judge yourself for getting into a bad relationship or for not getting out of one as soon as you could. You’re making great progress just by deciding that enough is enough.

The more you take in from your previous relationships, the more you can get out of subsequent ones.

Talk about "chase" in relationships can make people roll their eyes. They can think it involves manipulation and game-playing.

While there are certainly people who use romantic pursuit for manipulative reasons, our advice is given so that you can avoid falling into bad situations and understand how to show respect for yourself.

You may have more than a few bad relationships logged in your memory. These don't matter anymore than what you had for breakfast six months ago.

Whether you're recently single or have been out of the dating game for years, this is a fresh start. It's very easy to fall into old habits, but we want you to understand how you fall into these situations and what you can do to get out of them.

There might be some slip-ups, but you can dust yourself off faster than ever with our advice. It's all about confidence.

Having confidence is what it takes to make good decisions. When you know that you're not going to waste your time with bad situations, you can keep yourself from adding to your list of regrets.

We know you have what it takes to find the right partner with planning and selectiveness. The next time you're at bar or scrolling through a dating app, you can use your brain before your libido.

Have you seen that Mel Gibson movie from the early 2000s titled What Women Want? 

If not (or in case you forgot), the basic gist is that Nick Marshall (Mel Gibson) is a chauvinist executive at an advertising firm who thinks that he knows how to attract women. 

Thanks to a freak accident in his bathroom, though, Nick quickly learns that he’s been approaching women the wrong way his entire life. Throughout the movie, Nick learns how to “get in touch with his feminine side” and really attract women.

While you can’t fall in your bathroom and suddenly hear what women think, as Mel Gibson’s character did in that hilarious film, you can take proactive steps to learn how to be more attractive to women.

What do women look for in a man?

Every woman is unique. Therefore, the definition of a “perfect man” varies from woman to woman. Once you cast the physical attributes and sexual desires aside, though, most women have a relatively uniform list of characteristics that they look for in any man they consider dating.

In fact, Redbook Magazine recently interviewed three marriage counselors to compile a list of what women really look for in a man. 

Based on their expert feedback, the editors at Redbook developed a list of 10 qualities that women frequently look for in a potential partner. This list included the following core attributes:

1. Chemistry - Believe it or not, women initially feel drawn to men based on the initial connection they feel. If women don’t feel a “spark” within the first conversation, chances are high that they won’t stay interested. After all, good conversation is the foundation relationships need in order to develop.
2. Stability - Women often look for potential partners that they can see building a life with, which means they want a man who is reliable, predictable, and financially self-sufficient. So if you want to impress the ladies, show them that you’re emotionally mature, dependable, and hold a steady job.
3. Assertiveness - Although it seems hard to believe, the vast majority of men can’t find the words to simply express their needs — yet that’s exactly what most women want! What’s more, assertive communication is one of the key components to a healthy relationship, so it’s important.
4. Emotional Presence - Women want to know where they stand with their man at all times. Therefore, they look for guys who stay emotionally present. In other words, women look for guys who listen and respect what their girl has to say, not guys who check out of the conversation and look at their phone.
5. Vulnerability - For any relationship to work, both partners need to be vulnerable and share what’s on their heart. While cultural norms make this difficult for men, it’s exactly what a woman looks for in a potential partner.
   

How to use psychology to attract her

Not every man has the looks or wealth to turn the charm on like we see in the movies. Honestly, though, that’s okay! In fact, if you have your eye on a certain someone, you can use some basic psychology to attract her to you, according to the experts at MensXP. 

For starters, you can use open body language to send her signals that you’re not only confident and self-assured but that you’re also emotionally open and willing to be vulnerable.

Since most men send signals that they’re closed off, this will be a refreshing change of pace and likely draw her in.

You can also use reverse psychology to get her attention and make her feel like winning you over is a challenge. Although this method can sometimes backfire, psychologists agree that it usually works well. 

Also, when you plan out what you’re wearing for the first few dates, make sure you include something red. Why? Because red is the color of passion, love, and positive sexual energy. Whether she realizes it or not, she will feel more attracted to you when you wear red.

Finally, find ways to cause releases of oxytocin during your encounters. Known as the “love hormone,” our brains release this chemical whenever we bond with someone socially. So if you can find small ways to initiate touch, the chances are that you’ll seal the deal thanks to oxytocin.

Final thoughts

There’s no denying that women are complex creatures that are sometimes difficult to understand fully. This is probably why men frequently complain that they can’t make women happy or ever figure out what they really want.

While it may seem like a tall order to win a woman's heart, it’s not an impossible task. Once you know what women are really looking for in a potential partner and what they find attractive, you can work towards improving yourself and accentuating your positive qualities.

Just make sure you avoid behaviors that will instantly turn a woman off, and try to use psychology to your advantage when you’re working your magic on someone new.

All women just want to feel important and loved — and, as a man, you can provide just that. So what are you waiting for? Get out there and get that girl you’ve been eyeing… she’s waiting for you!

When one of my best friends broke up with her boyfriend last fall, she did something very different from what I’d ever done during any of my breakups — she decided to remove all forms of communication with her ex completely.

At first, I thought that removing him from all of her social media accounts and deleting his number from her phone sounded a little extreme.

However, I watched her rise above the heartache of the breakup in record time, and eventually, she and her ex found a way to reconnect on friendly terms.

Although I saw the evidence of success, I was still completely perplexed by this idea of a “No Contact Rule,” so I decided to do some independent research.

I quickly learned that many people are using the rule these days — and it’s helping people in more ways than I could ever have possibly imagined.

What is the no contact rule?

Believe it or not, this rule is exactly what it sounds like — a conscious choice to cease all forms of contact with your ex after a breakup. 

According to relationship expert and breakup coach Lee Wilson, the rule includes phone calls, text messages, or any other forms of communication, like social media. In fact, you may want to completely remove your ex from your contacts to avoid any temptation.

Furthermore, those who follow it fully also choose to not communicate with any of their ex’s friends or family members — so it might be time for a social media purge.

The rule is important because it gives you the adequate space that you need to heal and, in time, discover exactly who you are again. 

You can use this time to rebuild your confidence, mend your broken heart, and move on with your life — or reconnect with your ex when things have calmed down if that’s what you want.

Although this “rule” may sound like something relatively easy to follow if you broke up on bad terms, the fact is that not contacting your ex requires some serious restraint and willpower, especially if you have a long-standing history with your ex.

Why is it so effective?

Like any other type of loss, breakups come with their grief stages that you need to work through. Unfortunately, this grief lingers for a lot longer when your ex is still active in your life.

When you enact the rule, though, you create a safe space for you to grieve and focus on your emotional needs. Without reminders of your ex, you can work through all of the stages of grief without interruption or confusing messages that often cause more pain.

In other words, the No Contact Rule is effective because it completely removes any ability for your ex to trigger painful memories. 

Furthermore, this time apart is useful because it clears your head and gives you a chance to explore other perspectives. 

When you replay the breakup repeatedly with your ex, you get stuck in this rut that is often hard to break out of. Their words, and their opinions, clutter your mind and wear you down. When this happens, it can be hard to see yourself or the situation differently.

However, when you remove yourself from your ex, you can take time to evaluate the breakup from numerous perspectives. This is not only an essential step in the healing process, but it may help you see your ex in a new light — which may make them more or less attractive.

Finally, for those who want to use the rule to mend bridges or even get back together, the experts at Magnet of Success claim that over 90 percent of people who use it will hear from their ex, most often within six months of ending the relationship.

What are the stages of this rule?

Since the rule involves withdrawing contact completely, both parties will go through stages of withdrawal and processing the breakup the longer the lack of contact remains in place. 

In fact, Arushi Chaudhary says there are several very distinct stages that each person experiences when the rule is in full effect.

Stages for the Dumpee:

Stage 1:  Withdrawal

As expected, most people first experience heavy withdrawal symptoms when a relationship ends and they cease contact with their ex.

You may be in denial about the breakup, or you might just feel really depressed and rejected — your feelings are completely valid.

Stage 2:  Desperation & Temptation

Once the initial shock of the breakup and honeymoon phase of the rule wears off, chances are you’ll feel extremely depressed and desperate. Your emotions will consume, and you may want to break the boundary you’ve established… but don’t!

Contact during this critical phase will only make things worse, so avoid tempting to reach out and ignore your ex if they randomly reach out to you.

Stage 3:  Recovery

Although it may take some time, eventually you will reach a place where you feel better about the breakup and don’t miss your ex as much. In this phase, you’ll start looking at your phone a little less and start living a little more. Who knows, you may even start seeing someone new!

During this phase, you’ll start feeling more confident, less hung up on your ex, and better able to tell if the rule is working for you.

Stages for the Dumper:

Stage 1: Relief

Dumping someone is always uncomfortable, and there’s a certain fear of backlash and weeks of angry messages. When someone eliminates contact, though, you may feel a sense of relief if you dumped your ex — because the lack of contact removes any chances of retaliation.

During this phase, you’ll likely feel free and take advantage of the moment. You’ll feel lighter, less confined, and maybe even a little bit excited to play the field again.

Stage 2: Curiosity

No matter how good the relief and newfound freedom feel, though, eventually the rule causes the dumper to get curious about how their ex is doing.

If you don’t know that the rule is in place, you may wonder why your ex isn’t communicating with you. If you do know it’s in place, you may still wonder how they’re doing and want to text them to check-in.

The unknown will eventually drive you into a spiral of obsession.

Stage 3: Obsession

Right around the time your ex is moving into recovery, you’ll start really missing them and may even grow increasingly obsessed with trying to reconnect. Chances are you will desperately reach out to contact them or find ways to catch their attention — but they probably won’t work.

Stage 4: Fear of Loss

If zero contact lasts long enough, the dumper will find themselves in a state of grief and fear that they’ve lost their ex for good. However, as time continues, the one who dumped their ex will also hit a recovery phase and, hopefully, move on.

Signs the no contact rule works

Obviously the beginning stages of the rule are painful and difficult to endure. However, as time goes on and you enter the recovery phase, you will start to see the incredible benefits that this rule provides.

In fact, a recent article in She’s Single Magazine explores the 5 signs that it's working. Those signs include:

1. Your ex trying to reach out to you and asking to reestablish contact
2. Your confidence and newfound self-love starts attracting new people
3. Your ex becomes more responsive than they were before the breakup
4. You no longer feel sad when you think about the past
5. Your ex asks to get back together

Of course, what happens at this point is entirely up to you. While some people decide to try it again with their ex, others realize that their ex really wasn’t the right person for them. Whatever you decide is fine, as long as it feels right to you.

Just remember to stick to your guns and don’t let your ex (or anyone else) persuade your decision. Your happiness matters more than anything else, and the ball is entirely in your court.

Is 30 days sufficient or should it last longer?

When people decide to commit to the rule, one of the first questions they ask is, “How long do I need to commit to zero contact with my ex?” 

While every relationship is different, A New Mode co-founder Sabrina Alexis says you should commit to at least one month of no contact before you even think about lifting it.

After the month has passed, Alexis says that it’s best to use your own judgment on what feels right. 

If your relationship lasted a long time or the breakup was especially painful, a month may not be enough time for you to process things and move into recovery fully. Inversely, if you had already emotionally moved on before the relationship ended, 30 days might be plenty of time.

Before you reach out or respond to your ex’s text messages, sit and ask yourself some questions: 

Are you ready to move on? Do you feel like your heartache is healed? Can you talk to your ex without getting angry or emotional?

If the answer to those questions is “yes,” then chances are you’re ready to end the rule and see what happens.

Final thoughts

Although I was skeptical when my friend enacted the No Contact Rule after her breakup, I can honestly say that watching her heal from that experience definitely made me a believer.

Is it easy? Absolutely not. But the benefits that come with time far outweigh the few weeks of pain and temptation that you’ll endure. Not only will you heal from the breakup faster, but you also may find that you and your ex can get along in the aftermath of it all.

This rule isn’t for everyone, and you need to weigh your options before you commit.

But if you’re in the early stages of a breakup and feel like you’ll never be able to move on, give it a try for a month or so and watch it work wonders for you.

When my husband of 10 years served me with divorce papers earlier this year, I felt completely shocked. I spent weeks wondering where I went wrong, searching my brain for answers that never came. I thought I was doing everything right — but clearly, I was wrong.

As we spent the majority of the spring and summer buried in mediation talks and started separating our lives, I realized something so fundamentally simple that I couldn’t believe I never thought about it before: I rarely asked my husband if he felt happy in our marriage.

Since we finalized our divorce back in early July, I’ve spent a lot of time trying to learn more about what exactly it is that makes men happy. 

And although I thought that I was the only one trying to figure this mystery out, it turns out that women everywhere are wondering the very same things.

The good news about that is that I’m not alone — but the bad news is that means the internet is full of cheap advice that won’t really get you far.

If you’re willing to really read through evidence-based recommendations and put them into practice, though, you can prevent your relationship from ending the same way mine did. 

In fact, you can learn exactly how to keep your man happy and find the keys to a successful long-term relationship.

What really makes men happy?

Sometimes it feels impossible to make a man happy. But is that really the case? Maybe not!

If you ask any number of relationship experts or couples counselors, though, they’ll tell you it’s rather simple: What really makes a man happy is food, sex, and an understanding partner.

Sounds too good to be true, right? Wrong! In fact, many relationship experts agree that what makes a man happy are directly related to those three key components. 

When you know that, men don't seem too complicated after all, right? But let's get into some further details...

What makes him feel special?

Although mainstream media constantly encourages men to make women feel special, we rarely see the same recommendations for turning the tables. Isn't a relationship a two-way street, though? 

The fact of the matter is that men deserve special attention just as much as we do — even if they often say otherwise. 

Luckily, James Michael Sama of The Good Men Project covers this very topic in great detail on the Good Men Project blog. According to Sama, there are 10 key ways women can make their male romantic partners feel special — but here are just a few:

1. Give Compliments

When you consider the man in your life, it's probably not surprising to hear that he feels special when he receives compliments. Men love hearing good things about themselves, we all know that.

However, most people don't realize that men want so much more than meaningless ego strokes. Instead, they live for genuine compliments from their loved ones.

So don't just give him the, "Great job!" line when he washes the dishes — find ways to compliment your man that lets him know you appreciate his positive attributes.

2. Ask His Advice

Most women (myself included) want to feel heard when we open up to our loved ones. In fact, we're rarely looking for solutions to our problems — we just want someone to listen and validate our feelings.

However, men feel their best when they see themselves as providers and protectors for their loved ones. Because of this, most men want their partners to see them as a problem solver who always has the solution to their problems.

So how can you make your man feel special? By asking him for advice! Even if you already have a solution in mind, pick is brain every once in a while… you'll see his heart soar every time you do.

3. Give Him Your Full Attention

Have you ever felt annoyed when your partner has his nose in a screen when you're trying to tell him something you feel is important? Well, believe it or not, he feels the exact same way!

Almost all humans want to feel like they matter to someone, so give your partner your undivided attention when he takes the time to open up to you. It will do wonders for your communication and bond.

4. Be His Safe Space

Society tells me that they must be strong and bottle up their emotions, but we all know that's unhealthy. Although we can't change society overnight, we can make sure that our partners feel safe expressing their emotions with us.

When you give a man a safe space to air out his frustrations and let his guard down, he will not only feel more connected to you, but he'll feel like you really care for him and see him as someone worthy of love and care.

Why men love to be appreciated

Keys for happiness with him

Not all relationships are meant to last, but far too many fail because partners don’t know how to unlock the right doors to keep the relationship going. According to Dr. Gleb Tsipursky, though, the keys to true relationship happiness are a lot easier to utilize than you may think.

In fact, most of the keys to long-term happiness for partners revolve around practical interpersonal communication skills. 

You need to learn your man’s communication style and use that knowledge to your full advantage. You also need to be open and honest with him no matter what because a breakdown in trust often breaks apart the relationship for good.

Learn to read his body language and really tune in on his emotions — even when they don’t match what he’s saying. If things feel tense or “different,” don’t be afraid to point it out and check-in with your partner on how they feel about the relationship's status.

Final thoughts

Like all interpersonal connections, even the most effective communicating couples have conflicts from time to time. You can work through these disagreements, though; you just need to keep your eye on the prize and be willing to listen, share, and compromise.

And, most importantly, remember that relationships evolve and change over time. You’ll need to accept this and ride the waves together if you want any chance of making the relationship last.

Men may seem like complicated creatures, but with the right information, you can make sure that your man is forever satisfied with you both inside and outside of the bed. 

You just need to make sure that your man feels wanted. That he feels special. And that he feels your love day in and day out. Because at the end of the day, that’s all a man really wants: a woman who loves him for who he is.

Although my marriage failed, that doesn’t mean that your long-term relationship has to slip through the cracks. You can learn from my mistakes and use what I’ve learned in the aftermath to your full advantage — and I really hope you will. 

Keeping your man happy isn’t hard. You just need to remember to actually do it. Don’t go through the motions or neglect your partner. He deserves your full attention and, more importantly, your entire heart.

For most of us, the early stages of any new relationship feel absolutely amazing. We see the fireworks and feel them too! 

Over time, though, those fireworks often fade, and with that comes a whole new set of worries.

What if he’s losing interest? How can I keep our relationship alive? What happens if he cheats? Is he still in love with me?  The questions never stop!

I know that the worries over keeping your man interested feel overwhelming (because I’ve been there too). 

With the right tools and tricks, though, any woman can keep her partner interested and make sure the love stays alive long after that initial honeymoon phase of the relationship ends.

What keeps a man in a relationship?

How to increase his sexual desire for you after sleeping with him?

We’ve all heard the phrase “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” used in reference to sexual relationships. As a result, many women worry that all of the magic will die as soon as they climb into bed with a guy.

However, expert dating coach Jason Silver claims that there’s one thing you can do to keep the spark alive and increase a man’s sexual desire for you even after you sleep with him. 

What is it?  Assuming attraction.

Assuming attraction doesn’t require you to change your entire appearance or play any sort of mind tricks with your man. All you need to do is reframe how you see yourself and let your confidence do the rest!

Keeping your man in love with you

Once you find love, you want to make sure it lasts, right? But between hookup culture and ghosting, it’s hard to know what you can do to make sure that your love lasts.

Luckily, most relationship experts agree that women who do these five things have the best chance of holding on to love with their man:

1. Choose Wisely - Although it’s tempting to jump in headfirst with whoever you can find, it’s important to choose someone that you’ll remain compatible with for the long run. So when you’re dating, make sure you choose someone with the same values and goals as you.
2. Don't Chase Him - When love is meant to be, it doesn’t feel forced or difficult. This is why it’s critical to never chase after a man or force him into loving you. Besides, when you let things happen naturally and trust the process, he’s much more likely to stick around.
3. Have His Back. Always -  Men who feel supported, admired, and loved stick around — it’s that simple. What’s more, when you believe in your partner and support his dreams, he feels all that much more confident and able to achieve them.
4. Love Him How He Needs - As I previously mentioned, understanding your man’s love language is so important! When you love him in the ways he needs you to, he’s going to stick around.
5. Don't Lose Yourself - I can’t tell you the number of women who lose themselves over time once they commit to someone. However, your partner chose you for a reason, so keep being yourself! Similarly, don’t forget self-care and your own needs as well as your partner’s. When we stop taking care of ourselves physically and emotionally, our relationships tank as well.

Keys to learning what he wants

We all know that men aren’t great communicators at times. However, that doesn’t mean that we can’t find some creative ways to learn what he really wants! 

Obviously, the best way to learn what he wants is to simply ask. Bustle columnist Eva Grant has a great list of questions that really help you unlock what your partner wants:

1. “What should our sexual relationship look like to you?”
2. “I’m curious: How do you feel things are going?”
3. “In your mind, what does a truly balanced relationship look like?”
4. “What do you think we could work on to improve our relationship?”
5.  “What are some of your goals in this relationship?”
6. “In your mind, what does a healthy relationship look and feel like?”
7. “What would you love for us to do more of?”
8. “What do you feel like we argue about the most? How do you think we can solve it?”
9. “How do you feel when we disagree?”
10. “What do you see the next step in our relationship being? When would you feel comfortable taking that step?”
11. “What are your financial/personal/life goals?”
12. “Where do you see us in one year (or more)?”

When you ask these questions, make sure that you actively listen to your man’s responses and take in what he has to say. Don’t get hung up on how to “fix” things or drift into thoughts about other things. Just be present in the conversation so you can truly understand what he wants.

Final thoughts

Whether you’ve been dating your guy for a few months or several years, you’re probably wondering how to keep him interested so that the love you share doesn’t fade. 

However, if you’re going to keep your man interested, you’ve got to set those fears aside and focus on what really matters: your partner.

Let him see that you’re committed and stable, but still a bit mysterious at times. Don’t be afraid to ask questions or give him space from time to time. 

But, most importantly, love your man the way he asks for you to love him. When you do that, you’ll not only keep him interested, but you’ll make sure that your love never, ever dies.

Like most other women, I still remember my first serious breakup like it just happened yesterday. After dating for nearly a year, my boyfriend at the time broke things off with almost no explanation.

While it took me months to recover, he seemed to bounce back and find someone new reasonably quickly.

At the time, I didn’t understand how this could be possible. Why wasn’t he hurting like I was? How could he just end our relationship so abruptly and instantly move on?

Then, nearly six months later, he called me out of the blue and asked if we could get dinner. Reluctantly, I accepted.

Looking back, though, I’m so glad I answered his call and accepted that invitation to dinner because it was in that event that I learned that men deal with breakups very differently than women do.

In the years since then, I’ve learned a lot about how men process hurtful experiences and handle their emotions.

This insight has proved invaluable not only in subsequent romantic relationships but even in helping out friends in the aftermath of their relationship woes.

By understanding why men do things they do, many of my friends were even able to get their man back! More on that later.

Understanding the stages a guy goes through after a breakup and knowing why they seem cold then later contact their exes, you too can learn how to handle nearly any situation you land in during the aftermath of a breakup.

What are the "stages of breakup" for guys?

As I previously mentioned, it takes most men nearly to get over a serious relationship. With that being said, most men don’t feel heartbroken right away once a relationship ends. There are numerous reasons why this happens.

For starters, most women feel the full force of the breakup up front and quickly begin the process of working through their emotions.

Men, on the other hand, avoid their feelings like the plague and spend lots of time distracting themselves and ignoring the emotions of the breakup.

Dr. Ronald Levant refers to this emotional avoidance as normative male alexithymia. Essentially, traditional masculine roles in society cause many guys to feel like their masculinity directly conflicts with the emotions they feel. 

This causes men to shut down and ignore their feelings instead of openly expressing them right away.

Furthermore, scientists have proven that men simply process information differently than women. Where women tend to think in terms of people and emotions, men often take in the big picture and look at things in the form of systems or webs.

Because of this, most men take time to put the pieces of an event together, which means that the full emotions of the event don’t hit them until their brains finish connecting the dots. This process of “putting things together” can take men months to work through.

Finally, men don’t sit around with their guy friends and talk about their feelings or the pain of breakups like women do.

This leaves men to figure out their feelings alone, which can take longer and not provide men as much insight.

Why do guys contact their ex girlfriends?

While your ex’s cold, disconnected stance after a breakup may leave you thinking that he doesn’t care or hurt at all, experts all agree that the opposite is true. 

In fact, relationship expert Chris Seiter says that there are five very clear signs that guys show when they’re hurting after a breakup. Seiter explains these signs in-depth and offers advice on how to handle some of these emotional displays in this video.

When one of my close college friends ended her three-year relationship with her dream guy, I watched her spend months in solitude to recover from the breakup.

We tried to get her to go out and meet guys, but for the longest time, she insisted that she wasn’t ready.

When my two younger brothers started dating, though, I saw a very different scenario unfold. They would move on to someone new within weeks of ending the previous relationship and never seemed to bat an eye.

What I learned from these experiences was that men handle breakups very differently than women.

But why?

Well, it turns out guys are just wired differently and brought up to handle their emotions in a drastically different way than girls.

What do guys do after a breakup?

Why are guys so prideful? 

While missing an ex looks different for everyone, the general consensus is that most guys do miss you after the relationship ends. 

For those insecure, prideful guys who jump right back into dating, it may take them longer to admit that they miss you.

However, men who know how to get vulnerable and express their feelings healthily may start missing you and reaching out shortly after the breakup.

According to the relationship coaches at exboyfriendrecovery.com, you can tell that he’s missing you afterwards if he does one of two things:

1. He asks to remain friends and frequently reacts to your social media posts
2. He erases every form of your existence from his life.

Regardless of his initial reaction, though, you will eventually hear back from your ex again.

How do you know if your ex is still in love with you?

Once your ex reaches out and expresses that he misses you, you may wonder if he’s still in love or just wants a booty call.

 In this YouTube video, breakup coach and best-selling author Brad Browning shares how you can determine if your ex is still in love with you.

In fact, Browning shares that there are four very distinct signs that he’s still in love with you even after a breakup.

Sign #1: Your ex maintains regular contact with you.

Regardless if you established a No Contact Rule or just ignored his messages and calls, if your ex is still reaching out to you weeks or months after the breakup, then chances are he’s unhappy with life without you and wants you back.

Sign #2: He brings up old memories or inside jokes.

While contacting you at all after the breakup shows that he still cares, the actual content of his messages and calls speaks volumes as well. In fact, the more reminiscent your ex is when he contacts you, the more it suggests that he still loves you.

Sign #3: Your ex remains emotional long after the relationship ends.

If you didn’t do anything that would have caused extreme psychological damage before the breakup, then any anger or sadness that your ex shows you could be a sign that they’re still hung up on the relationship (and still in love with you). 

Sign #4: He’s sending “hot and cold” signals.

It’s very common for a guy to end a relationship then later second guess himself. If that’s the case, he may continue expelling his confusion outwardly through mixed signals towards you.

Who's Brad Browning?

How long does it take for a guy to regret breaking up?

As you’ve probably gathered thus far, men often do regret breaking up and struggle with their feelings post-breakup.

However, as you’ve also surmised from what guys do right after a breakup, it takes time for most men to reach that point of regret.

In fact, it can take up to six months for some guys to start missing you and regret ending the relationship.

Sometimes he regrets the breakup because he misses the life he had with you. 

Other times he takes some time after the relationship ends to really process his feelings and he comes out the other side a more mature person who is ready for a committed relationship with you.

How can you make him come back?

After he said he loves me...

While it may seem odd to you that a man would pull away after he says he loves you, relationship expert Susan Winter stresses that this is a pretty typical response for any guy.

According to Winter, men often need more time to process than women when they commit to someone.

When they move forward or take any significant steps in a relationship, they need time to find their balance and fully process their emotions.

After we've had sex...

Often times we assume that men only care about sex. Because of this, women typically believe that men pull away after sex because they got what they wanted.

However, author and relationship expert Adam Shaw says that men rarely pull away after sex because they lose interest.

When we engage in sexual intercourse, our body releases oxytocin. This causes women to feel more connected, but men to feel intense pleasure.

Because of this, men may seem more distant in part because women crave connection after sex, and men don't always require that same bond.

If you feel like he's distant after sex, Shaw recommends that you "Just leave it be." If you push too hard, you'll seem desperate and turn him off.