Category Archives for "Relationships"
Immediately after a breakup, you might experience a wide range of emotions. Loneliness, grief, anger, rejection, and confusion.
The post-breakup healing process is like navigating turbulent ocean waves. But eventually, those messy waters will calm and you’ll find yourself itching to explore uncharted waters again.
The last step in the post-breakup healing process is sort of like a graduation. You’ll have learned a few lessons in love and maybe have a better idea of what you need in a partner.
So, if it’s time for your post-breakup graduation -- it might also be time for a post-breakup glow-up.
A glow-up is an internal and external transformation. Before you get back out there, work on feeling like the best version of yourself first.
Let’s get into all things post-breakup glow-up. We’ll mention some action items, products, affirmations, and self-care tips.
It’s gotta be said if you haven’t let yourself be all up in your feelings about a break up -- YOU’VE GOT TO. The saying goes “you’ve got to feel it to heal it.” And it couldn’t be more true.
Numbing out and ignoring your own need for healing is not wise.
Feel your feelings. Breakups hurt. They can bring up a lot of emotional baggage you had stored away. Move through those emotions, let yourself feel them so you can let them go.
If you don’t let those feelings out, you just store them away. You don’t want to take that hurt into your next relationship. So, before you start your glow-up, make sure you aren’t ignoring your emotions.
If you need time to cry it out -- call a friend, write in a journal, cry in your car listening to sad music. Release in any way you need to let it out. Just make sure you let it out before moving on.
Now that you’ve moved through the bulk of your breakup blues, it’s time to get that mindset right.
A common misconception is a break-up is a “failure.” But it’s not. A breakup is just the acknowledgment that something simply wasn’t working. Staying when you know you shouldn’t is a disservice to both parties.
A good way to reset your perspective is to treat yourself like you would your best friend.
If your best friend said, “UGH I’m a big failure, another failed relationship..”
You’d say “Of course you aren’t! They just weren’t right for you. You deserve happiness!” Right?
So give that loving compassion to yourself. You deserve happiness too.
When you’re glowing up, or even going through the weeds, you need to show yourself some love. Give yourself gifts of pampering, fun, and even alone time. Here are some self-loving action items.
✨ Social media cleanse
If you need to, block your ex on social media. If you’re the type that’s constantly refreshing Instagram, dying to see who your ex is with -- cut that out. You’re letting them go, which means cleansing your social media of them too. The unfollow (and/or block) button is free.
✨ Yes, masturbation is self-care
Saying goodbye to your sexual partner doesn’t mean you have to say goodbye to your sexual pleasure. Quite the opposite. Flying solo is healthy and beneficial for your mental health. Invest time in your own pleasure.
✨ Get rid of anything you have of theirs
Once you’re at the right stage, you’ve got to let go of anything you have that either belonged to them or reminds you of them. Fridge photos, their favorite mug, clothes, etc. Get it out and say goodbye. This is an act of self-love.
✨ Read self-help books that resonate with you
Deep dive into self-help topics that light you up. There are amazing books about emotional healing, breakups, mindfulness, and self-love. Take a page out of their book and learn from this whole process.
✨ Get a therapist
Yes, you can pay a compassionate human to sit with you and sort through your feelings. It’s a great act of self-love to get a supportive talk therapist during a hard time. This may help expedite the healing process and help you see things you might have otherwise missed.
The definition of embodiment is “a tangible or visible form of an idea, quality, or feeling.”
A physical glow-up is an embodiment of all that you’ve internally transformed.
This can take so many forms. This could just be how you confidently command yourself. Or it could be a physical change you’ve always been tempted by. Here are some ways you can embody the new.
Breakups are hard. They can be dark and twisty. But, you can come out of them a better version of yourself. Keep chasing this glow-up and you’ll be able to get back out on the market proud to be you.
Happy, healthy relationships require honesty, mutual respect, and a certain level of vulnerability. Sometimes we all struggle with these things because opening up and sharing with someone is scary. However, we all need to do these things to find lasting love.
For emotionally unavailable people, though, this openness isn’t just hard — it’s nearly impossible.
It may be hard to know if you’re in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man, though. Sometimes we ignore the signs. Other times, we try to rationalize our partner’s behavior or find ways to blame ourselves.
Suppose you feel like your relationship revolves around sex and but lacks a deeper, more emotional connection.
In that case, you just might be dealing with this type of man — a man who avoids emotional intimacy and long-term commitment.
Emotionally unavailable men struggle with complex emotions. They lack emotional intelligence and rarely understand their own feelings, let alone those of a romantic partner. Because of this, these men struggle to give and receive love.
These men may appear outgoing, charismatic, and even charming at first — but this illusion ends the moment you try to move beyond the surface and really connect with them.
These men put up strong walls that leave you feeling lost and disconnected, though you may not fully understand why it's happening.
A man lacking emotions may push you away or deflect when you discuss emotions, the future, or any other deep topics that make them feel threatened or uncomfortable.
However, most of these men lack any sort of awareness of their emotional shortcomings, and they rarely realize how their intimate aversions affect romantic partners.
While you may worry that any guy who doesn't instantly open up is not available emotionally, that's not the case. In fact, an article in Women's Health Magazine lists 11 key indicators of a man who's emotionally unavailable. Here are a few key highlights:
First Sign - Men who are like this often avoid showing any sort of physical affection or compliments. While they may still show an interest in sex, you may feel like the sex lacks real emotional connection.
Second Sign - These men will also seem very unavailable in general and have absolutely zero respect for your time. They may not respond to a phone call or text message for hours or even days, and they have no problem canceling on you even at the last minute.
Third Sign - They see women with healthy views on intimacy and emotional expression as "intense" or "weak." They may even invalidate your emotions, judge you, and make you feel guilty for even simple requests.
Fourth Sign - These men will quickly become defensive and pull away anytime you try to force an intimate connection. They may blame others or pick fights when you try to talk to them about their emotions or the relationship as a whole. Because of this, they rarely put equal effort into the relationship.
There’s no single cause of emotional unavailability that covers all men. Some men learn to make themselves unavailable from a very young age due to childhood trauma or neglect.
Others use this emotional disconnect as a protective measure after going through an incredibly difficult breakup or discovering a cheating partner.
However, not all men lack emotions because of traumatic experiences. Sometimes guys just get too wrapped up in their career or their friendships — and maybe they aren’t quite ready for a truly intimate connection with a romantic partner.
Regardless of the causes, though, most of these men will make you feel unimportant, and you’ll constantly feel a wall between the two of you. This can feel very frustrating, especially if you have strong feelings or seek a very committed relationship.
Although some women are ready to throw the towel in as soon as they pick up on the signs that their man is emotionally unavailable, that doesn't mean you have to.
Instead, the experts at Mind, Body, Green claim that you can prepare yourself to handle this kind of guy with a few basic tips.
For starters, you need to recognize the signs that he's unavailable and look for the root causes. Understanding his aloofness and what made him that way will help you figure out where to go next.
If he's unavailable because of past trauma or an underlying mental health condition, explore the idea of individual therapy or couples counseling to see how he feels about the idea.
However, make sure that you don't enable his emotional unavailability or use the same tactics back on him. Neither of those approaches will help, and over time they will only cause your relationship to fizzle out.
If it seems like the disconnection is by choice, don't try to control him or fix the problem — that will only make it worse.
Instead, focus on your own feelings and take time to reflect on how your partner's lack of emotional availability impacts you. You may find that the relationship is too taxing and you need some space — and that's okay!
It’s hard for these men to fall in love because, well, they made it difficult by putting up all the barriers and pulling away.
No matter how disconnected he seems, though, the fact is that it’s not impossible for an this type of man to fall in love. In fact, Kiran Athar claims there are 10 distinct signs that he's falling in love with you.
Even the most of emotionally unavailable man is still a man. He’s not a child, and he’s not just going to change overnight.
According to dating and life coach Gregg Michaelsen, these men don’t just struggle with talking about their feelings — they shy away from emotions altogether.
It may be tempting to try to change him or rescue him. You may want to feel that rush that comes with making someone a better person. However, you can’t save a person who doesn’t want to be saved.
Chances are, he will continue to be unavailable emotionally until he makes the conscious decision to seek help on his own. Nothing you say or do will help him take down those walls or change him.
Instead, you need to decide if you can handle the toll that being in this type of relationship takes. If he chooses to change, then you need to be patient and meet him where he is. You need to show him compassion, understanding, and support.
However, if he isn’t willing to see the issues or work on them, then you need to decide how long you’re willing to stay. Emotional unavailability can kill a relationship, but until you decide to walk away, the relationship can hurt you in many, many ways.
Whether you’ve been together for a matter of weeks or over a year, if you just read this and see the writing on the wall, it’s time you recognize that you’re dating a man like this.
You likely didn’t cause his emotional unavailability, and no matter how much you love this man, it’s important to remember the truth — he has issues that nobody can fix overnight.
These relationships can feel very stressful and isolating, and pressing him towards change won’t help bring the two of you closer together. In fact, it just might push him away.
Don’t give up entirely your man just yet, though. If you think he’s willing and able to change, then there are options. You can seek couples counseling or encourage your man to seek out therapy on his own.
If you don’t think he’s ready to seek help yet, then you need to decide how long you’re willing to stay. Things will only change if he is ready to change, but that doesn’t mean you have to hang onto someone who isn’t willing to give you what you need.
At the end of the day, you deserve a happy, healthy relationship — everyone does.
Pursuit is one of the best parts of dating, but you need to know how to pursue and be pursued.
Finding a man is about making yourself available but not looking desperate. It’s quite the balancing act, and it can definitely get frustrating. However, when you’re able to catch someone through persistence and dropping subtle hints, it’s a lot more satisfying than just getting their love outright.
After all, aren’t the best things in life ones that we get through true effort and patience, instead of just having them handed to us?
When you hear amazing stories of couples falling in love, you’re not usually as captivated by the ones where they agree to go out on a date on the first try, right?
The more meaningful something is, the more effort we should be willing to put in. If you’re not interested in having a man work to get you, then you’re just not interested in them. This is good if you’re trying to figure out whether you want a certain someone or are just looking for sex.
This chase isn’t a one-sided thing, either. You should relish going after him as well. This can be like a chess game between two experts. Once you’ve finally come together, it can be like drinking water when you’ve been crawling through the desert for days.
Unfortunately, we’ve been fooled into thinking the chase only matters during courtship. Once someone has agreed to be with us, they can quickly lose their drive. You might have been guilty of this.
There’s just something about getting what you want that can make you lose your passion. It’s hard to understand but easy to recognize.
Instead of having someone get bored of you and revealing their interest was only superficial, find someone who is interested in you beyond the short-term. We’ve created these tips to help you with every part of this experience.
This is the most crucial part of this guide.
Unless your life is one worth caring about, no one is going to want to be part of it.
Of course, everyone is special in their own way, and your personality can go a long way. However, you can’t rely on being ‘nice” or “polite.”
Those are base-level qualities. If you don’t already have those, then you need to read another guide before reading this one.
If you do have them, you need to keep going. How do you use those qualities for the betterment of your life and the world around you? We’re not asking you to be the next Nelson Mandela, but your life needs to be one that actually has a purpose.
Find out what makes you get up in the morning and share your gifts with the world. If you don’t, you’re going to end up with people who don’t understand you, because you don’t understand yourself.
Getting into a relationship so you can stop being single is like ordering a seven-course meal because you’re a little hungry. Relationships are great, but they should never be forced.
Don’t worry about finding the right person as you bemoan being single. Embrace your independence and use it as an opportunity to learn about yourself and what you want.
Desperation is never a good luck. Being single can still involve dating and sex, but you shouldn’t just throw yourself into the arms of the first person to show you the slightest bit of interest.
If you can’t figure out why you’re with someone beyond them offering companionship, you shouldn’t be with them. Eventually, you can find yourself longing to be single but feeling stuck in a tepid or unhealthy relationship.
Treat yourself well when you’re single, and you’ll make smarter relationship decisions. Suitors will notice how lively you are, and it will make you so much more attractive.
If you fall for everyone, you’re signaling that you’re easily led. It might be that others are manipulating you, or that your brain has been wired against prudent decision-making.
You might need another source, such as a close friend, to give an analysis of your relationship habits.
Unlearning these behaviors means fighting against your base instincts. It’s like withholding the urge to hit snooze when it’s time to get out of bed. Some times will be harder than others, but those are the ones that help to build up your exterior to not fall in love so easily.
A good partner is someone who admires your selectiveness. Anyone who just doles out affection to anyone who shows them attention needs some help. Your time on Earth is valuable, and it doesn’t need to be wasted on people who aren’t right for you.
There’s more to relationships than regular sex. Lots of people value the stability and emotional availability they provide.
This can be great to offer, until you’re stuck with someone who only wants these benefits for themselves, without putting in the work.
It’s fine to be a naturally supportive person, but don’t let yourself be pulled into giving emotional support for someone that isn’t offering the same in return.
You could have someone using you as nothing more than a therapist. While relationships should be about support and listening, they shouldn’t only be about that.
No one who treats you poorly deserves your time, period. Many people have their red flags out in the open, but they can be easy to ignore if you’re too obsessed with an idealized version of them.
Don’t let yourself be so intimidated by someone’s looks or reputation that you excuse poor behavior. This is how people have gotten away with abusive behavior. They use their positions of power to exert dominance over others.
Whoever you’re pursuing might not be evil, but they might have too many liabilities. If you value punctuality and they’re always late, that’s just not someone you should pursue any longer.
There are so many people who look great on paper/in photos but who have awful personalities. When they show these sides, you can see just how ugly they actually and know that you shouldn’t waste your time with them.
No one who treats you poorly deserves your time, period. Many people have their red flags out in the open, but they can be easy to ignore if you’re too obsessed with an idealized version of them.
Don’t let yourself be so intimidated by someone’s looks or reputation that you excuse poor behavior. This is how people have gotten away with abusive behavior. They use their positions of power to exert dominance over others.
Whoever you’re pursuing might not be evil, but they might have too many liabilities. If you value punctuality and they’re always late, that’s just not someone you should pursue any longer.
There are so many people who look great on paper/in photos but who have awful personalities. When they show these sides, you can see just how ugly they actually and know that you shouldn’t waste your time with them.
Don’t judge yourself for getting into a bad relationship or for not getting out of one as soon as you could. You’re making great progress just by deciding that enough is enough.
The more you take in from your previous relationships, the more you can get out of subsequent ones.
Talk about "chase" in relationships can make people roll their eyes. They can think it involves manipulation and game-playing.
While there are certainly people who use romantic pursuit for manipulative reasons, our advice is given so that you can avoid falling into bad situations and understand how to show respect for yourself.
You may have more than a few bad relationships logged in your memory. These don't matter anymore than what you had for breakfast six months ago.
Whether you're recently single or have been out of the dating game for years, this is a fresh start. It's very easy to fall into old habits, but we want you to understand how you fall into these situations and what you can do to get out of them.
There might be some slip-ups, but you can dust yourself off faster than ever with our advice. It's all about confidence.
Having confidence is what it takes to make good decisions. When you know that you're not going to waste your time with bad situations, you can keep yourself from adding to your list of regrets.
We know you have what it takes to find the right partner with planning and selectiveness. The next time you're at bar or scrolling through a dating app, you can use your brain before your libido.
Have you seen that Mel Gibson movie from the early 2000s titled What Women Want?
If not (or in case you forgot), the basic gist is that Nick Marshall (Mel Gibson) is a chauvinist executive at an advertising firm who thinks that he knows how to attract women.
Thanks to a freak accident in his bathroom, though, Nick quickly learns that he’s been approaching women the wrong way his entire life. Throughout the movie, Nick learns how to “get in touch with his feminine side” and really attract women.
While you can’t fall in your bathroom and suddenly hear what women think, as Mel Gibson’s character did in that hilarious film, you can take proactive steps to learn how to be more attractive to women.
Every woman is unique. Therefore, the definition of a “perfect man” varies from woman to woman. Once you cast the physical attributes and sexual desires aside, though, most women have a relatively uniform list of characteristics that they look for in any man they consider dating.
In fact, Redbook Magazine recently interviewed three marriage counselors to compile a list of what women really look for in a man.
Based on their expert feedback, the editors at Redbook developed a list of 10 qualities that women frequently look for in a potential partner. This list included the following core attributes:
If you listen to a group of women drool over celebrities, you’ll quickly discover that every woman has their own sense of what they find attractive. However, based on years of research, there are some items that nearly all women find attractive.
Although every woman has her own tastes on facial hair, a 2013 research study found that an overwhelming majority of women find men with heavy stubble or a light beard most attractive. This is largely because women see facial hair as a sign of maturity and masculinity.
Experts say that men who walk confidently appear more attractive to people they meet on the street than men who appear slumped over or anxious. You don’t even have to appear overly confident for this to work — you just need to look comfortable in your skin.
Several studies have found that women love a man who can make her laugh. In fact, many women find men with a sense of humor more attractive than similar-looking men who take a more serious stance on life.
The halo effect is a psychological bias where people unconsciously assume that one aspect of their personality applies to their entire character. Because of this, women often perceive men who show kindness as more physically attractive as well.
A 2007 study asked women to rate men as potential partners after viewing them shirtless. The results indicated that men who are somewhat muscular, but not overly bulked up, appeared the most attractive as long-term partners to most women.
Even though most romantic relationships develop over time, studies show that there’s some truth to the idea of “love at first sight.” But what causes us to find people attractive right after meeting them for the first time?
For starters, when you first look at someone, your brain almost instantly decides if it finds the person physically attractive or not.
When that instant attraction happens, a chemical reaction occurs in your brain — and that release of serotonin and dopamine is what causes you to start feeling those “warm and fuzzies.” That chemical reaction also causes you to feel attached to the person instantly.
This feeling increases if you and the person you find attractive are also attracted to you because of a “loop” created by your eyes' locking. The more connected you two feel in this moment, the stronger the attraction will be.
Over time, this initial attraction can lead your brains to take more actions, and these actions (like flirting or kissing) can lead to a deep, powerful connection that causes your brain to experience love.
However, there are times where “love at first sight” is actually a phenomenon called "positive illusion." In other words, you didn’t feel that instant attraction when you first met your partner but instead remember it that way because of the bond you built with them over time.
Over time, many couples can’t decipher if they actually experienced attraction at first sight or if a memory bias actually develops the longer you remain with a person. But if you still feel attracted to someone after months or even years of dating them, does it really matter?
Just like some things get every woman’s motor running, some things instantly send us running away.
Most men want gorgeous women who put time and effort into their appearance, so it shouldn't surprise anyone that women want the same thing from a man. We don’t expect you to pull out the red carpet every day, but some basic hygiene and upkeep are appreciated.
When men don’t bother to shower, wear deodorant, or trim up their facial hair, it sends a signal that they don’t care about themselves, which means they probably don’t care about anyone else either. Thanks but no thanks, guys.
There’s a difference between confidence and arrogance, and most women can snuff it out in minutes. Women find confidence attractive, but arrogance is a huge turn-off.
Although some guys do genuinely have stuff to brag about, the vast majority of men who think highly of themselves don’t. No woman wants to spend an entire dinner date listening to you rattle off all of the reasons why you’re amazing.
Women love to laugh and have a good time, so we often look for men who do the same. While guys can be a little more serious at first, men who remain uptight constantly quickly feel like such a drag and turn women away in a flash.
Although women have made strides towards equality, some men just can’t seem to let go of their false sense of superiority — and it’s a huge turn-off.
If you want to send a girl running, call her “sweet cheeks” and joke about how she needs to make you a sandwich. She’ll be gone in no time.
Women work hard, and they expect a potential partner to do the same. In fact, laziness is a huge turn off to most women.
We want to see men who are successful employees and still willing to chip in around the house, not someone who spends all of their time playing video games while eating cereal straight out of the box.
Sex is great, we all agree… but do we really need to talk about it 24/7? Guys who only care about hooking up and getting it on aren’t attractive at all.
While we don’t expect you to hold doors open for us or push in our dining chair, women still love a man who can say “please” and “thank you.” If you don’t display some basic manners, chances are your relationship won’t last long because bad manners are a huge turn-off.
Not every man has the looks or wealth to turn the charm on like we see in the movies. Honestly, though, that’s okay! In fact, if you have your eye on a certain someone, you can use some basic psychology to attract her to you, according to the experts at MensXP.
For starters, you can use open body language to send her signals that you’re not only confident and self-assured but that you’re also emotionally open and willing to be vulnerable.
Since most men send signals that they’re closed off, this will be a refreshing change of pace and likely draw her in.
You can also use reverse psychology to get her attention and make her feel like winning you over is a challenge. Although this method can sometimes backfire, psychologists agree that it usually works well.
Also, when you plan out what you’re wearing for the first few dates, make sure you include something red. Why? Because red is the color of passion, love, and positive sexual energy. Whether she realizes it or not, she will feel more attracted to you when you wear red.
Finally, find ways to cause releases of oxytocin during your encounters. Known as the “love hormone,” our brains release this chemical whenever we bond with someone socially. So if you can find small ways to initiate touch, the chances are that you’ll seal the deal thanks to oxytocin.
There’s no denying that women are complex creatures that are sometimes difficult to understand fully. This is probably why men frequently complain that they can’t make women happy or ever figure out what they really want.
While it may seem like a tall order to win a woman's heart, it’s not an impossible task. Once you know what women are really looking for in a potential partner and what they find attractive, you can work towards improving yourself and accentuating your positive qualities.
Just make sure you avoid behaviors that will instantly turn a woman off, and try to use psychology to your advantage when you’re working your magic on someone new.
All women just want to feel important and loved — and, as a man, you can provide just that. So what are you waiting for? Get out there and get that girl you’ve been eyeing… she’s waiting for you!
When one of my best friends broke up with her boyfriend last fall, she did something very different from what I’d ever done during any of my breakups — she decided to remove all forms of communication with her ex completely.
At first, I thought that removing him from all of her social media accounts and deleting his number from her phone sounded a little extreme.
However, I watched her rise above the heartache of the breakup in record time, and eventually, she and her ex found a way to reconnect on friendly terms.
Although I saw the evidence of success, I was still completely perplexed by this idea of a “No Contact Rule,” so I decided to do some independent research.
I quickly learned that many people are using the rule these days — and it’s helping people in more ways than I could ever have possibly imagined.
Believe it or not, this rule is exactly what it sounds like — a conscious choice to cease all forms of contact with your ex after a breakup.
According to relationship expert and breakup coach Lee Wilson, the rule includes phone calls, text messages, or any other forms of communication, like social media. In fact, you may want to completely remove your ex from your contacts to avoid any temptation.
Furthermore, those who follow it fully also choose to not communicate with any of their ex’s friends or family members — so it might be time for a social media purge.
The rule is important because it gives you the adequate space that you need to heal and, in time, discover exactly who you are again.
You can use this time to rebuild your confidence, mend your broken heart, and move on with your life — or reconnect with your ex when things have calmed down if that’s what you want.
Although this “rule” may sound like something relatively easy to follow if you broke up on bad terms, the fact is that not contacting your ex requires some serious restraint and willpower, especially if you have a long-standing history with your ex.
Like any other type of loss, breakups come with their grief stages that you need to work through. Unfortunately, this grief lingers for a lot longer when your ex is still active in your life.
When you enact the rule, though, you create a safe space for you to grieve and focus on your emotional needs. Without reminders of your ex, you can work through all of the stages of grief without interruption or confusing messages that often cause more pain.
In other words, the No Contact Rule is effective because it completely removes any ability for your ex to trigger painful memories.
Furthermore, this time apart is useful because it clears your head and gives you a chance to explore other perspectives.
When you replay the breakup repeatedly with your ex, you get stuck in this rut that is often hard to break out of. Their words, and their opinions, clutter your mind and wear you down. When this happens, it can be hard to see yourself or the situation differently.
However, when you remove yourself from your ex, you can take time to evaluate the breakup from numerous perspectives. This is not only an essential step in the healing process, but it may help you see your ex in a new light — which may make them more or less attractive.
Finally, for those who want to use the rule to mend bridges or even get back together, the experts at Magnet of Success claim that over 90 percent of people who use it will hear from their ex, most often within six months of ending the relationship.
Since the rule involves withdrawing contact completely, both parties will go through stages of withdrawal and processing the breakup the longer the lack of contact remains in place.
In fact, Arushi Chaudhary says there are several very distinct stages that each person experiences when the rule is in full effect.
As expected, most people first experience heavy withdrawal symptoms when a relationship ends and they cease contact with their ex.
You may be in denial about the breakup, or you might just feel really depressed and rejected — your feelings are completely valid.
Once the initial shock of the breakup and honeymoon phase of the rule wears off, chances are you’ll feel extremely depressed and desperate. Your emotions will consume, and you may want to break the boundary you’ve established… but don’t!
Contact during this critical phase will only make things worse, so avoid tempting to reach out and ignore your ex if they randomly reach out to you.
Although it may take some time, eventually you will reach a place where you feel better about the breakup and don’t miss your ex as much. In this phase, you’ll start looking at your phone a little less and start living a little more. Who knows, you may even start seeing someone new!
During this phase, you’ll start feeling more confident, less hung up on your ex, and better able to tell if the rule is working for you.
Dumping someone is always uncomfortable, and there’s a certain fear of backlash and weeks of angry messages. When someone eliminates contact, though, you may feel a sense of relief if you dumped your ex — because the lack of contact removes any chances of retaliation.
During this phase, you’ll likely feel free and take advantage of the moment. You’ll feel lighter, less confined, and maybe even a little bit excited to play the field again.
No matter how good the relief and newfound freedom feel, though, eventually the rule causes the dumper to get curious about how their ex is doing.
If you don’t know that the rule is in place, you may wonder why your ex isn’t communicating with you. If you do know it’s in place, you may still wonder how they’re doing and want to text them to check-in.
The unknown will eventually drive you into a spiral of obsession.
Right around the time your ex is moving into recovery, you’ll start really missing them and may even grow increasingly obsessed with trying to reconnect. Chances are you will desperately reach out to contact them or find ways to catch their attention — but they probably won’t work.
If zero contact lasts long enough, the dumper will find themselves in a state of grief and fear that they’ve lost their ex for good. However, as time continues, the one who dumped their ex will also hit a recovery phase and, hopefully, move on.
Obviously the beginning stages of the rule are painful and difficult to endure. However, as time goes on and you enter the recovery phase, you will start to see the incredible benefits that this rule provides.
In fact, a recent article in She’s Single Magazine explores the 5 signs that it's working. Those signs include:
Of course, what happens at this point is entirely up to you. While some people decide to try it again with their ex, others realize that their ex really wasn’t the right person for them. Whatever you decide is fine, as long as it feels right to you.
Just remember to stick to your guns and don’t let your ex (or anyone else) persuade your decision. Your happiness matters more than anything else, and the ball is entirely in your court.
When people decide to commit to the rule, one of the first questions they ask is, “How long do I need to commit to zero contact with my ex?”
While every relationship is different, A New Mode co-founder Sabrina Alexis says you should commit to at least one month of no contact before you even think about lifting it.
After the month has passed, Alexis says that it’s best to use your own judgment on what feels right.
If your relationship lasted a long time or the breakup was especially painful, a month may not be enough time for you to process things and move into recovery fully. Inversely, if you had already emotionally moved on before the relationship ended, 30 days might be plenty of time.
Before you reach out or respond to your ex’s text messages, sit and ask yourself some questions:
Are you ready to move on? Do you feel like your heartache is healed? Can you talk to your ex without getting angry or emotional?
If the answer to those questions is “yes,” then chances are you’re ready to end the rule and see what happens.
Although I was skeptical when my friend enacted the No Contact Rule after her breakup, I can honestly say that watching her heal from that experience definitely made me a believer.
Is it easy? Absolutely not. But the benefits that come with time far outweigh the few weeks of pain and temptation that you’ll endure. Not only will you heal from the breakup faster, but you also may find that you and your ex can get along in the aftermath of it all.
This rule isn’t for everyone, and you need to weigh your options before you commit.
But if you’re in the early stages of a breakup and feel like you’ll never be able to move on, give it a try for a month or so and watch it work wonders for you.
When my husband of 10 years served me with divorce papers earlier this year, I felt completely shocked. I spent weeks wondering where I went wrong, searching my brain for answers that never came. I thought I was doing everything right — but clearly, I was wrong.
As we spent the majority of the spring and summer buried in mediation talks and started separating our lives, I realized something so fundamentally simple that I couldn’t believe I never thought about it before: I rarely asked my husband if he felt happy in our marriage.
Since we finalized our divorce back in early July, I’ve spent a lot of time trying to learn more about what exactly it is that makes men happy.
And although I thought that I was the only one trying to figure this mystery out, it turns out that women everywhere are wondering the very same things.
The good news about that is that I’m not alone — but the bad news is that means the internet is full of cheap advice that won’t really get you far.
If you’re willing to really read through evidence-based recommendations and put them into practice, though, you can prevent your relationship from ending the same way mine did.
In fact, you can learn exactly how to keep your man happy and find the keys to a successful long-term relationship.
Sometimes it feels impossible to make a man happy. But is that really the case? Maybe not!
If you ask any number of relationship experts or couples counselors, though, they’ll tell you it’s rather simple: What really makes a man happy is food, sex, and an understanding partner.
Sounds too good to be true, right? Wrong! In fact, many relationship experts agree that what makes a man happy are directly related to those three key components.
When you know that, men don't seem too complicated after all, right? But let's get into some further details...
Although mainstream media constantly encourages men to make women feel special, we rarely see the same recommendations for turning the tables. Isn't a relationship a two-way street, though?
The fact of the matter is that men deserve special attention just as much as we do — even if they often say otherwise.
Luckily, James Michael Sama of The Good Men Project covers this very topic in great detail on the Good Men Project blog. According to Sama, there are 10 key ways women can make their male romantic partners feel special — but here are just a few:
When you consider the man in your life, it's probably not surprising to hear that he feels special when he receives compliments. Men love hearing good things about themselves, we all know that.
However, most people don't realize that men want so much more than meaningless ego strokes. Instead, they live for genuine compliments from their loved ones.
So don't just give him the, "Great job!" line when he washes the dishes — find ways to compliment your man that lets him know you appreciate his positive attributes.
Most women (myself included) want to feel heard when we open up to our loved ones. In fact, we're rarely looking for solutions to our problems — we just want someone to listen and validate our feelings.
However, men feel their best when they see themselves as providers and protectors for their loved ones. Because of this, most men want their partners to see them as a problem solver who always has the solution to their problems.
So how can you make your man feel special? By asking him for advice! Even if you already have a solution in mind, pick is brain every once in a while… you'll see his heart soar every time you do.
Have you ever felt annoyed when your partner has his nose in a screen when you're trying to tell him something you feel is important? Well, believe it or not, he feels the exact same way!
Almost all humans want to feel like they matter to someone, so give your partner your undivided attention when he takes the time to open up to you. It will do wonders for your communication and bond.
Society tells me that they must be strong and bottle up their emotions, but we all know that's unhealthy. Although we can't change society overnight, we can make sure that our partners feel safe expressing their emotions with us.
When you give a man a safe space to air out his frustrations and let his guard down, he will not only feel more connected to you, but he'll feel like you really care for him and see him as someone worthy of love and care.
Making your man feel special will definitely help keep him happy, but is it the total solution? Well, if you read Bethenny Frankel's recent book 10 Rules for Not Screwing Up Your Happily Ever After, you'll soon discover that men also need to feel appreciated.
Men need to feel good about themselves in order to remain happy in a relationship. And how can we help our male counterpart feel better about himself? By making him feel appreciated, duh!
When we constantly focus on the negative aspects of our partner and nag them, they feel discouraged. When this happens, they shut down and ultimately give up on themselves and, of course, the relationship.
Men often see women as mysteries and have trouble knowing where they stand with us unless we spell it out for them. When we compliment them and show them appreciation, though, men see that we care and the relationship is stable.
Of course, dating expert and life coach Gregg Michaelsen says that men love to be appreciated for a very simple reason: It strokes their ego.
Under the tough exterior layer that most men put forward, there's a sensitive guy who needs a self-esteem boost just as much as his female partner. When you appreciate a man, it helps make him feel better about himself, which in turn makes him feel more loving and affectionate towards you.
We all know that men are very primal creatures at times. They’re driven by visual cues, sexual attraction, and intimacy. For this reason, most men see “love” and “sex” as one in the same — meaning that a key to your man’s heart is actually your sex life.
Life coach Jordan Gray states that keeping your man blissfully happy in bed isn’t as hard as you may think, though. In fact, all you need to do is try out a few of these seven things:
Furthermore, Redbook Magazine mentions that men love when women get vocal and talk dirty, so be sure that you’re making some noise in the bedroom. Men see moans and other vocalizations as compliments because those sounds mean that you’re enjoying what they’re doing.
So let him know how much you appreciate him — you’ll both feel even more sexually satisfied when you do.
Not all relationships are meant to last, but far too many fail because partners don’t know how to unlock the right doors to keep the relationship going. According to Dr. Gleb Tsipursky, though, the keys to true relationship happiness are a lot easier to utilize than you may think.
In fact, most of the keys to long-term happiness for partners revolve around practical interpersonal communication skills.
You need to learn your man’s communication style and use that knowledge to your full advantage. You also need to be open and honest with him no matter what because a breakdown in trust often breaks apart the relationship for good.
Learn to read his body language and really tune in on his emotions — even when they don’t match what he’s saying. If things feel tense or “different,” don’t be afraid to point it out and check-in with your partner on how they feel about the relationship's status.
Like all interpersonal connections, even the most effective communicating couples have conflicts from time to time. You can work through these disagreements, though; you just need to keep your eye on the prize and be willing to listen, share, and compromise.
And, most importantly, remember that relationships evolve and change over time. You’ll need to accept this and ride the waves together if you want any chance of making the relationship last.
Men may seem like complicated creatures, but with the right information, you can make sure that your man is forever satisfied with you both inside and outside of the bed.
You just need to make sure that your man feels wanted. That he feels special. And that he feels your love day in and day out. Because at the end of the day, that’s all a man really wants: a woman who loves him for who he is.
Although my marriage failed, that doesn’t mean that your long-term relationship has to slip through the cracks. You can learn from my mistakes and use what I’ve learned in the aftermath to your full advantage — and I really hope you will.
Keeping your man happy isn’t hard. You just need to remember to actually do it. Don’t go through the motions or neglect your partner. He deserves your full attention and, more importantly, your entire heart.
For most of us, the early stages of any new relationship feel absolutely amazing. We see the fireworks and feel them too!
Over time, though, those fireworks often fade, and with that comes a whole new set of worries.
What if he’s losing interest? How can I keep our relationship alive? What happens if he cheats? Is he still in love with me? The questions never stop!
I know that the worries over keeping your man interested feel overwhelming (because I’ve been there too).
With the right tools and tricks, though, any woman can keep her partner interested and make sure the love stays alive long after that initial honeymoon phase of the relationship ends.
Although society makes us think that men just want sex without any sort of connection, sex therapist Laurie Watson says that it’s much more complicated than that. In fact, she says that men want an emotional connection just as much as sexual intercourse.
At the end of the day, men want to feel like you want them. It’s that feeling of importance and desire that keeps them around, just like it is for women. However, we all know that the way men give and receive love looks very different than what most women desire.
According to relationship coach Jordan Gray of The Good Men Project, there are just seven basic things every man wants in a relationship:
When a man finds a woman willing to give these things, he feels loved and cared for, which in turn keeps him in the relationship. The funny thing is, none of these items are hard to do, yet we often get so wrapped up in our lives that we forget to stop and do them.
However, none of these items require grand gestures. In fact, you can easily work them into your day. You just need to be aware of these items that your man is looking for, then make sure you’re following through on providing them.
If you constantly worry about how you’ll keep your man’s attention as your relationship develops, know that you aren’t alone. In fact, many women lose sleep over this very same problem!
Luckily, though, there are several things you can do to make sure he stays for years to come.
Yes, this sounds cheesy and cliche, but there’s truth to this statement for so many reasons.
For starters, when you don’t love yourself, you also don’t think that you’re worthy of love from others. When this happens, it’s almost impossible to build healthy romantic relationships that last.
Furthermore, men love women who put time and energy into themselves physically and mentally. When you struggle with self-esteem and self-love, you’re less likely to put any effort into your appearance and your success — and this turns men away almost instantly.
So, if you want to keep your guy’s attention for the long haul, take care of yourself and let him see that you really care about yourself just as much as you care about him.
If you ask relationship expert Susan McCord what she recommends to clients who want to keep their man’s attention, one of her biggest tips is this: Keep things fun and interesting!
So many of us forget to spice things up after the initial phase of the relationship ends, but most experts say that complacency is one of the top killers of long-term relationships. When things become predictable and monotonous, men lose interest — and that’s when they stray.
Therefore, it’s important to try new things or do something adventurous with your guy from time to time. Find new restaurants to try or break out of your comfort zone and test out some new activities together.
Your man will never get bored if you’re mixing things up from time to time, and as they say, “the couple who plays together stays together!”
Relationships are all about give and take — it’s part of what makes human interaction so special. Therefore, it’s important to take a genuine interest in what your guy cares about if you want him to stick around.
Showing interest in your partner’s hobbies or favorite pastimes not only demonstrates that he’s worth the effort, but it also lets him see that you’re compatible for the long term.
After all, if he watches football every weekend while you whine about how boring it is, do you really think that the relationship will last? Probably not.
What’s more, nearly any guy will open up and talk more if you chat about something that really interests them, so taking an interest in their favorite things can be a great way to connect on a new level emotionally.
Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages has become the ultimate guide to helping people show love and admiration to their romantic partners.
If you aren’t familiar with love languages, here’s the concept in a nutshell: We all see love in slightly different ways, and we must understand how our partner experiences love so that we can give them what they need.
When you show your man love in a way that makes sense to him, he receives the message that you care. When you show love in a different way, though, your message may get lost in translation.
Therefore, it’s important to determine if your guy is a “Words of Affirmation” man or if he responds to “Physical Touch” (or any of the other five love languages).
For most men, increased sexual activities are one of the best benefits of a romantic relationship. But that doesn’t mean that they always want to be the one who initiates the sexual encounters.
If you want to keep your guy’s attention, don’t be afraid to embrace your sexuality and flaunt it from time to time!
Trust me, guys love it when girls wear revealing clothing or seductively suggest naughty things. You can even show your sexy side with smaller gestures like suggestive text messages or by leaving a new piece of lingerie sitting on the bed.
Your man will surely eat up all of the sexy little things you do and stick around for more!
We’ve all heard the phrase “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” used in reference to sexual relationships. As a result, many women worry that all of the magic will die as soon as they climb into bed with a guy.
However, expert dating coach Jason Silver claims that there’s one thing you can do to keep the spark alive and increase a man’s sexual desire for you even after you sleep with him.
What is it? Assuming attraction.
Assuming attraction doesn’t require you to change your entire appearance or play any sort of mind tricks with your man. All you need to do is reframe how you see yourself and let your confidence do the rest!
Once you find love, you want to make sure it lasts, right? But between hookup culture and ghosting, it’s hard to know what you can do to make sure that your love lasts.
Luckily, most relationship experts agree that women who do these five things have the best chance of holding on to love with their man:
We all know that men aren’t great communicators at times. However, that doesn’t mean that we can’t find some creative ways to learn what he really wants!
Obviously, the best way to learn what he wants is to simply ask. Bustle columnist Eva Grant has a great list of questions that really help you unlock what your partner wants:
When you ask these questions, make sure that you actively listen to your man’s responses and take in what he has to say. Don’t get hung up on how to “fix” things or drift into thoughts about other things. Just be present in the conversation so you can truly understand what he wants.
Whether you’ve been dating your guy for a few months or several years, you’re probably wondering how to keep him interested so that the love you share doesn’t fade.
However, if you’re going to keep your man interested, you’ve got to set those fears aside and focus on what really matters: your partner.
Let him see that you’re committed and stable, but still a bit mysterious at times. Don’t be afraid to ask questions or give him space from time to time.
But, most importantly, love your man the way he asks for you to love him. When you do that, you’ll not only keep him interested, but you’ll make sure that your love never, ever dies.
Like most other women, I still remember my first serious breakup like it just happened yesterday. After dating for nearly a year, my boyfriend at the time broke things off with almost no explanation.
While it took me months to recover, he seemed to bounce back and find someone new reasonably quickly.
At the time, I didn’t understand how this could be possible. Why wasn’t he hurting like I was? How could he just end our relationship so abruptly and instantly move on?
Then, nearly six months later, he called me out of the blue and asked if we could get dinner. Reluctantly, I accepted.
Looking back, though, I’m so glad I answered his call and accepted that invitation to dinner because it was in that event that I learned that men deal with breakups very differently than women do.
In the years since then, I’ve learned a lot about how men process hurtful experiences and handle their emotions.
This insight has proved invaluable not only in subsequent romantic relationships but even in helping out friends in the aftermath of their relationship woes.
By understanding why men do things they do, many of my friends were even able to get their man back! More on that later.
Understanding the stages a guy goes through after a breakup and knowing why they seem cold then later contact their exes, you too can learn how to handle nearly any situation you land in during the aftermath of a breakup.
Most of us are familiar with the typical stages of grief that women experience after a major breakup. However, the stages men experience during a breakup look significantly different.
According to University of Notre Dame professor Darcia Narvaez, Ph.D., a man’s sense of entitlement and fragile ego often gets the better of them after a breakup.
Because of this, most men adopt a “her loss” stance at the beginning of the breakup and work hard to keep up appearances that “everything is fine.” Eventually, though, the enlarged ego starts to deflate.
Men hate feeling vulnerable. In fact, our society teaches men to stuff their feelings deep inside from a very young age. Because of this, men take longer to process their emotions after a breakup and spend lots of time avoiding their feelings.
In other words, there’s a very specific reason why so many men head to the bar with their friends for weeks after a breakup. After all, getting a bit of a buzz can help dull those crippling feelings of pain and loneliness, and talking about sports helps guys avoid more serious topics.
Researchers at the University of Texas discovered that men can only begin to fully process a difficult breakup once they realize that they are truly alone. It’s in this realization stage that a man accepts his emotional weakness and finally lets the emptiness settle around him.
While many men will still try to maintain a poker face during this phase, they will start to grapple the heartache they’ve avoided for so long. This is the first step towards moving on, and it’s a major one for most men to tackle.
After he finally realizes that the relationship is over, a man can start processing all of the complicated emotions and infinite questions that plague most women from the get-go.
Some guys will purposely do things during this phase to bring on the tears (like stalking their ex), whereas others will simply wallow in their emotions and lash out at everyone who tries to help. Regardless, this is the messiest stage of the breakup process for a guy.
While grieving the end of a relationship, most people will tell the grieving guy or girl, "Don't worry, there are plenty of fish in the sea."
So, after they process their pain, most guys will go fishing.
While some guys will find a new special someone in this phase, many just land a rebound girl.
Those initial relationships right after the breakup typically fizzle out because he’s not yet ready to really trust someone and open up again.
Once a guy tests the waters a bit, he often finds that he’s not quite ready to dive into a new relationship head first just yet. In fact, he needs time to fully work through his trust issues so that he can move forward and learn to love again.
This phase can take the longest for a man to work through, but it’s the most critical for his future relationship success. If you or someone you know is working through this phase of reestablishing hope, the key is patience.
Finally, after spending tons of time ignoring his feelings and even more time getting caught up in them, many guys will eventually reach a point of acceptance and move on from their previous relationship.
But you might be surprised to hear that most men actually want you back after breaking up. Men are complicated creatures. Just as you want him to fight for you, he wants you to fight for him.
He may just be too prideful to ever say that. However, there are emotional triggers that you can tap into that will make him dying to get back with you.
No on likes to feel like they are going backwards, but the reality is that most men have needs that you likely don't even realize. If you understood them, you can easily get him to see why he needs you.
But how do you even begin to understand his complicated emotions and break through his ego and prideful defenses?
How do you make him sure of you? And how do you make it so that you never lose him again?
The clue here, is he needs to feel more than just that he loves you. I know what you are thinking, "That sounds backwards, what's more than love?"
Love is a powerful emotion, but as you may have experienced, love can be painful and that pain can destroy all of the excitement in a relationship.
What you really need to do, is make him infatuated with you again. Just like when you first met.
If getting him back is important to you, then you should check out this simple method, based on psychological studies, that will not only help you get him infatuated about you again, but stay that way.
Due to their hormone levels and ways their brains process information, men can appear calm, collected, and even unemotional during negative events like a breakup.
In fact, therapist and life coach Jennifer Musselman says, “If a man does not physically and verbally express the same emotional urgency, a female partner might assume he doesn’t care about the upsetting event.
But in fact, he is more readily assessing the situation at hand before determining his feelings about it and considering his response.”
Also, numerous studies show that men require alone time to process stressful events or complicated emotions.
While women love to talk out their feelings, men need space to even figure out what they’re feeling first — especially during a breakup.
As I previously mentioned, it takes most men nearly to get over a serious relationship. With that being said, most men don’t feel heartbroken right away once a relationship ends. There are numerous reasons why this happens.
For starters, most women feel the full force of the breakup up front and quickly begin the process of working through their emotions.
Men, on the other hand, avoid their feelings like the plague and spend lots of time distracting themselves and ignoring the emotions of the breakup.
Dr. Ronald Levant refers to this emotional avoidance as normative male alexithymia. Essentially, traditional masculine roles in society cause many guys to feel like their masculinity directly conflicts with the emotions they feel.
This causes men to shut down and ignore their feelings instead of openly expressing them right away.
Furthermore, scientists have proven that men simply process information differently than women. Where women tend to think in terms of people and emotions, men often take in the big picture and look at things in the form of systems or webs.
Because of this, most men take time to put the pieces of an event together, which means that the full emotions of the event don’t hit them until their brains finish connecting the dots. This process of “putting things together” can take men months to work through.
Finally, men don’t sit around with their guy friends and talk about their feelings or the pain of breakups like women do.
This leaves men to figure out their feelings alone, which can take longer and not provide men as much insight.
While many experts recommend that partners follow a “No Contact Rule” after a breakup, men frequently break this rule. But why? Well, that simple question is actually complicated to answer.
“The likeliest possibility is that they are reflecting about the relationship and are missing you. Most of the time this would be for romantic or sexual reasons, but sometimes they might just want to be friends again", says psychologist Samantha Rodman.
Rodman explains that some men reach out because they feel guilty about how things ended or want to smooth things over because you share mutual friends or work together.
However, therapist Anna Poss offers a different perspective:
“If they felt the split was abrupt, confusing or left them with unresolved feelings, an ex might reach out to gain clarity. Resuming communication could also be a way of testing the waters [to see if you’ve moved on].”
Or, who knows, your ex could be bored and simply want attention from an old flame. He could also be drunk, horny and hoping for a hookup, or secretly feel sentimental but worry how you’d respond to his feelings.
If you feel comfortable communicating, it’s more than OK to respond and see if you can out why he’s reaching out. And if you are feeling the same way that he does, then you want to be prepared to fix your relationship.
The easiest way to do this, is make him infatuated again. Both men and women experience love differently. Men express their love in a different way but most women miss the very key to a man's heart.
They want to feel that excitement when they first met you. And you can absolutely make him sure about you forever, by understanding the keys to win a man over and make him infatuated about you again.
While your ex’s cold, disconnected stance after a breakup may leave you thinking that he doesn’t care or hurt at all, experts all agree that the opposite is true.
In fact, relationship expert Chris Seiter says that there are five very clear signs that guys show when they’re hurting after a breakup. Seiter explains these signs in-depth and offers advice on how to handle some of these emotional displays in this video.
Just like the encounters with my first serious ex in the months after our breakup, I know that many other women find themselves in complicated situations with men even after the romantic relationship with them ends.
However, by understanding how men deal with breakups and why they do some of the things they do after the relationship ends, you can not only feel armed and informed, but you can ultimately decide exactly what you’re ready for. Even if that means you're ready to learn how to get him back!
In the case of the ex-boyfriend I mentioned at the beginning of this article, we still communicate from time to time, but mostly we just follow each other on social media and let our lives unfold independently. Honestly, though? I’m more than OK with that.
Just remember that how you work through the heartache you feel after a breakup is your decision, and your feelings are always valid.
While your ex may seem cold and distant, chances are he’s just trying to process his heartache the only way he knows how.
Decide what you need in the weeks and months after your relationship ends, and stick to those boundaries regardless of how your ex-boyfriend seems to react.
Healing is an independent journey, and in time you’ll both move on from the pain in your own unique ways.
When one of my close college friends ended her three-year relationship with her dream guy, I watched her spend months in solitude to recover from the breakup.
We tried to get her to go out and meet guys, but for the longest time, she insisted that she wasn’t ready.
When my two younger brothers started dating, though, I saw a very different scenario unfold. They would move on to someone new within weeks of ending the previous relationship and never seemed to bat an eye.
What I learned from these experiences was that men handle breakups very differently than women.
Well, it turns out guys are just wired differently and brought up to handle their emotions in a drastically different way than girls.
When it comes to handling a break-up, many people say that “women break up harder, but men break up longer.”
In other words, women typically engage in an emotional grieving process right after the breakup, whereas men initially stuff their feelings down and procrastinate on healing.
According to a study completed by researchers at New York’s Binghamton University, men typically experience anger right after a breakup and engage in more self-destructive behaviors as a result.
Some men turn to drinking and other mood-altering substances to dull their emotions after a breakup, whereas others turn to the gym to “sweat it out.”
What’s more, men often either stalk their ex on social media or completely erase any memory of them.
Also, many men jump right back into dating after a breakup — but not because they’re looking for something serious.
For the most part, it’s about the rush we all feel when we flirt and hook up with someone new. Because of this, men will often “rebound” with several women.
What’s most interesting, however, is the fact that men typically engage in these behaviors to maintain their self-esteem and avoid any appearance that the breakup damaged them.
Guys hold onto their pride even more than usual after a breakup. They don’t want anyone to see them shed a tear.
While most of us see this confidence and ability to easily move on as upsetting, the truth is that it’s not how it looks.
According to John Amodeo, psychologist and author of Dancing with Fire: A Mindful Way to Loving Relationships, “Pride is often driven by poor self-worth and shame. We feel so badly about ourselves that we compensate by feeling superior.”
When it comes to breakups, men use their pride as a coping mechanism to avoid heartache. While this merely delays the inevitable, men seem to be hardwired to react in this way.
After all, society raises men to approach all emotions in a “masculine” way and “man up” when times get tough.
This is why many men mask their feelings after a breakup and avoid processing their grief by diving right back into dating someone new.
Also, men see failure as a sign of weakness and admitting that the end of a relationship hurts looks like failure.
Instead of sharing their feelings, men take on the “fake it ‘til you make it” mentality and put on a cloak of pride to cover up their pain.
As we mentioned, many guys try to cover up their insecurity by moving on immediately after a breakup.
Some guys believe the phrase “the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else,” whereas others just think that someone new will make them feel better.
However, an insecure guy who quickly picks up someone new after a breakup is someone you may want to cut ties forever with. You can never keep a man's interest who is insecure like this. They will always justify moving on so, in this case, you should too.
Guys like this can never maintain successful long-term relationships because they haven’t taken the time to deal with their emotions and process why previous relationships failed.
Furthermore, clinical psychologist Josh Klapow shared in an interview with Psychology Today that this lack of emotional insight hinders a man’s ability to develop relationships in other ways.
When insecure men move on quickly, it ultimately prevents them from connecting with their partners on a deeper level.
This attitude ultimately makes men view relationships as "accomplishments" instead of meaningful partnerships.
When that happens, it starts a cycle of hookup after hookup where women become conquests, not people.
However, when men learn to feel secure with themselves and can fully experience vulnerability, they can break this cycle and learn to cope with the heartache of a breakup more effectively.
While missing an ex looks different for everyone, the general consensus is that most guys do miss you after the relationship ends.
For those insecure, prideful guys who jump right back into dating, it may take them longer to admit that they miss you.
However, men who know how to get vulnerable and express their feelings healthily may start missing you and reaching out shortly after the breakup.
According to the relationship coaches at exboyfriendrecovery.com, you can tell that he’s missing you afterwards if he does one of two things:
Regardless of his initial reaction, though, you will eventually hear back from your ex again.
Once your ex reaches out and expresses that he misses you, you may wonder if he’s still in love or just wants a booty call.
In this YouTube video, breakup coach and best-selling author Brad Browning shares how you can determine if your ex is still in love with you.
In fact, Browning shares that there are four very distinct signs that he’s still in love with you even after a breakup.
Regardless if you established a No Contact Rule or just ignored his messages and calls, if your ex is still reaching out to you weeks or months after the breakup, then chances are he’s unhappy with life without you and wants you back.
While contacting you at all after the breakup shows that he still cares, the actual content of his messages and calls speaks volumes as well. In fact, the more reminiscent your ex is when he contacts you, the more it suggests that he still loves you.
If you didn’t do anything that would have caused extreme psychological damage before the breakup, then any anger or sadness that your ex shows you could be a sign that they’re still hung up on the relationship (and still in love with you).
It’s very common for a guy to end a relationship then later second guess himself. If that’s the case, he may continue expelling his confusion outwardly through mixed signals towards you.
Browning is a world renowned relationship and breakup expert who's helped millions of women navigate the complexity of breakups and getting back together with their ex.
He's the creator of the #1 breakup and relationship program of all time, The Ex Factor.
If you are still confused about how men think, what you can do to get your ex back and stay with you, and much more, then check out this video below and see why this program is so highly recommended by women around the world.
As you’ve probably gathered thus far, men often do regret breaking up and struggle with their feelings post-breakup.
However, as you’ve also surmised from what guys do right after a breakup, it takes time for most men to reach that point of regret.
In fact, it can take up to six months for some guys to start missing you and regret ending the relationship.
Sometimes he regrets the breakup because he misses the life he had with you.
Other times he takes some time after the relationship ends to really process his feelings and he comes out the other side a more mature person who is ready for a committed relationship with you.
Although most of us worry that a breakup lasts forever, that isn’t always the case. In fact, a 2013 study found that nearly half of couples who break up end up back together again.
If you want to make your ex come back to you, though, experts agree that you need to do these five very specific things.
First and foremost, you should always give your ex-boyfriend some physical and emotional distance after the relationship ends.
This not only gives you both time to cool off, but also plays into the whole “absence makes the heart grow fonder” theory.
While giving your ex some space, though, you should also avoid talking about him in a negative light as much as possible — especially on social media. After all, you never know who’s looking.
Believe it or not, many experts say that men come back most often once you’ve personally recovered from the breakup.
In an interview with Cosmopolitan, relationship psychologist Dr. Mariana Bockarova suggests that women get into new hobbies or friendships after a breakup.
Filling your life with joy can help you turn things around, and all those cute Instagram selfies may cause your ex to see exactly what he’s missing.
Many of us start feeling desperate for love and attention in the months after a relationship ends.
While you might think that jumping into a relationship with someone new will help you feel better or make your ex jealous, it really doesn’t work that way, so take your time and heal first.
If you and your ex start communicating again, plan a meetup in person that’s at a neutral location without any romantic vibes.
In fact, consider grabbing an afternoon coffee or casual lunch without any alcohol. This takes the pressure off you both and keeps expectations low.
What drives men towards you? Is it love? Is it the excitement of chasing you and finally catching you?
Well it turns out the real key comes down to, whether he is infatuated with you still or not. And there is a very simple way how to make him and keep him infatuated with you. Learn everything you need to do here.
When we go through a breakup, we require time to heal our broken heart.
While men need time to heal as well, they often handle it in a way that baffles us and leaves us wondering how they can simply move on to someone new.
It’s important to remember that the way men handle breakups looks very different from us, but that doesn’t mean they have it any easier.
Guys still feel sad, they still miss the relationship, and sometimes they even want us back.
There's some common advice out there that "If things are truly meant to be, it will happen in time."
However, sometimes you have to go after what you want. If you think your ex is truly the one for you and want to win him back then our advice is to check out Brad Browning's program, The Ex Factor.
The Ex Factor teaches you how men think, and how to use that knowledge of male psychology to your advantage.
And who know's.... this in depth program might be the last thing you ever need to get him back and keep him forever. View the program here.
Back in 1992, a book by renowned author and relationship counselor John Gray hit the shelves. It was called Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.
This guide to opposite genders was the first book of its kind and has since helped many couples better understand each other.
However, it's still challenging at times for us to understand what's going on inside our man's head, especially when they react in ways that are entirely different than how we'd respond as women.
In fact, one of the most troubling things men do in relationships is pull away or distance themselves from us emotionally.
We spend hours worrying over what we did wrong or if they're seeing someone else.
But are those thoughts really warranted, or are we merely worrying ourselves to death? Let's find out.
According to professional counselor Suzanne Jeffries, there are six reasons why men often pull away instead of choosing to commit to a relationship. These reasons include:
Obviously, you can potentially help him work through some of these issues, like fears about his past or concerns about the future.
However, some of these problems are more deeply rooted and will require serious time and professional help for him to overcome.
While the reasoning behind your man’s lack of commitment is important, your happiness and overall well being are just as important.
Don’t just “ride it out” with him for an indefinite amount of time because, honestly, he may never commit!
Instead, you should determine your expectations in the relationship and clearly express them to your partner.
Set boundaries with not only him, but yourself as well. It’s essential that you identify what you will and will not tolerate and that you hold yourself accountable.
While it can be hard to distinguish a man’s actions to figure out what’s really going on inside his head, you will notice some drastic differences in how he pulls away and acts in these two scenarios:
When he likes you versus if he’s distancing himself because there’s someone else in his life.
Believe it or not, there are actually some clear signs you can look for if you suspect there’s someone else in his life.
According to professional counselor David Bennett of Double Trust Dating, "It's normal for someone to find others attractive, but the intensity of the attraction is what matters.”
If he’s falling for someone else, you’ll likely notice that your partner:
If you see signs that your partner may be attracted to someone else, it’s time to sit down and have an open conversation without throwing accusations at him or threatening him.
While your emotions may feel high, it’s important to remain calm if you want to work through this issue.
However, if you come to the conclusion that he's moved on then maybe it's best if you call it quits and find someone who values you more.
According to a recent Reddit thread started by user "xoxolexy", men have numerous reasons for pulling away when a relationship starts moving in a serious direction.
Most of the time, though, men pull away when things get serious for one of three reasons.
Sometimes they fear the commitment of a serious relationship and don’t feel ready to give you what you’re asking for (or what they think you want).
Other times they withdraw because they see some sort of serious flaw that could prevent the relationship from lasting.
Finally, men sometimes pull away when things get serious because they ultimately fear vulnerability and rejection and find it easier to remove themselves before you break their heart.
It’s impossible to know how to handle every situation you encounter when dating someone.
However, when it comes to figuring out what to do when our partner starts to pull away, the experts at eHarmony say that we can all follow three basic steps to stop our lover from pulling away and help get the relationship back on track.
Step 1: Stop Overthinking!
When we feel our partner pulling away, our first inclination is to panic and start over-analyzing every little thing. However, that’s the exact opposite of what we should do in this case.
When we spend all of our waking hours worrying over our relationship and questioning why our man is pulling away, we actually cause more damage.
In fact, when we obsess over someone, we often end up feeling even more distant from them.
What’s more, we close people out when we become consumed by our thoughts, and this ultimately makes it harder for our lover to connect with us.
So instead of questioning every text message and cue you receive from your boyfriend, remind yourself that it’s normal for men to distance themselves at times.
If the relationship is meant to be, then he will ultimately work through whatever is causing the distance and come back to you in time.
Step 2: Allow Distance To Work Its Magic
When we feel our boyfriend pulling away, most of us automatically lean in and try to pull them back to us.
Just like over-analyzing the situation, though, pushing yourself into the front and center doesn’t actually help pull your man back to you. It may cause him to feel trapped.
Instead of pushing in, stop trying close that space and just let the distance work its magic.
Resist the temptation to ask him what’s wrong or badger him. Just let him make a choice to come to you. This will allow him to work through things and also help you feel more desired.
Step 3: Choose Your Words Wisely
Although he may need some time, eventually, you both will need to sit down and talk through why he pulled away and what you can do to help. When this happens, you must choose your words wisely and communicate effectively.
One trick here is to demonstrate to your man that you can handle emotional moments with poise and communicate in a way that is warm and genuine.
If you place blame or appear aggressive, that's a surefire way to push your man even further away.
Instead, use "I Statements," validate his feelings, and share how much you appreciate his honesty.
This may seem straight forward, but there's a science and art to communicating with men when they start to pull away. If you really want a guy to commit, you may want more in-depth expert training on what do to and say.
The Devotion System, by Amy North, is a relationship program that helps women understand male psychology and how to use that knowledge to get a man to commit to you, and only you.
Thousands of women have found success with this program, making it one of the world's most successful and popular women's relationship programs. You can watch the introductory video below.
Important Note: If you decide to watch the video below, make sure you watch it all the way until the end, because Amy shares some mind blowing tips. Many of which I had never heard from anyone else.
While it may seem odd to you that a man would pull away after he says he loves you, relationship expert Susan Winter stresses that this is a pretty typical response for any guy.
According to Winter, men often need more time to process than women when they commit to someone.
When they move forward or take any significant steps in a relationship, they need time to find their balance and fully process their emotions.
Often times we assume that men only care about sex. Because of this, women typically believe that men pull away after sex because they got what they wanted.
However, author and relationship expert Adam Shaw says that men rarely pull away after sex because they lose interest.
When we engage in sexual intercourse, our body releases oxytocin. This causes women to feel more connected, but men to feel intense pleasure.
Because of this, men may seem more distant in part because women crave connection after sex, and men don't always require that same bond.
If you feel like he's distant after sex, Shaw recommends that you "Just leave it be." If you push too hard, you'll seem desperate and turn him off.
If you've read this far, you've likely noticed some common advice regardless of when your man withdraws or distances himself.
But, if you haven't figured it out yet, the best thing you can do when a man pulls away is giving him some space.
In fact, stepping back from the situation served several purposes.
First and foremost, it allows your guy the space he needs to process his feelings. This will ultimately allow him to identify his emotions and convey them to you.
Furthermore, this time apart gives you an opportunity to really assess your own feelings.
You may find that your feelings are just as complicated as his. You may also discover that you needed some time apart to recenter yourself.
Finally, taking a step back allows you to calm down and not attack or overwhelm him during this time. This, in turn, can strengthen your relationship in the long run.
How men handle emotional moments is just further proof that John Gray was right: Men really are from Mars.
Although men sometimes pull away because they lose interest, more often than not they actually pull away because they simply don't know how to process their feelings.
While giving him space may sound like a terrible idea that you can't possibly handle, I promise it's the best way to let him work through his feelings.
If your man suddenly seems distant, just remind him that you care and let him know that it's okay if he needs some time to process things.
By showing him empathy and understanding where he's at, you'll not only earn some cool points, but you'll likely help him see that you really are the right woman for him.
While giving him space is excellent to do, once he's ready to reconnect with you, you want to be equipped with the knowledge in truly understanding him and what he wants.
The Devotion System by Amy North, is a program where you can turn into an expert regarding what men want.
You can learn how to get your man back, make him totally engaged with you, and how to make him commit. Watch the introductory video on the Devotion System here.